peter parker/tom holland imagines

dirty words (hc)| p.p.

-guys guys ikik

-headcanons

-mine might be chaotic

-but like

-besties i got this

-why is that in the middle

-oh i figured it out my stupid brain just isn't rn

-wHaT tHe ToMfUcKeRy

-there's a lotta people i can imagine saying that

-um okay anYWays

-lets do this

-okay so

-parker peter's a pre-pubescent boy

-and pre-pubescent boys

-they do

-stuff????

-?????????????/

-peter and ned and mj are just like chilling

-they're doing their thing

-vibin n' shit

-and mj goes

-"peter you're the most innocent shit i've ever met"

-and peter's just downright offended, he's like please i'm so mature and not innocent

-ned's like "nah you're a babey"

-"pffftttt no i'm not"

-...

-who's gonna tell him

-"peter i didn't know you were so awkward about sex" not that one scene-

-anyways

-holy cow i use that word a lot

-cows are cool

-"i can be so dirty i've just never had that moment" he's puffin out his chest and crossin his arms all tryna be intimidating

-"pls be so fr with me rn" neds just cackling

-and now he's got this mindset where he's gotta prove them wrong

-so he goes home that night

-memorizes every dirty joke he can

-preparing to use them all on y/n

-and he goes to school that day

-ready with all his comebacks and shit

-homeboy is deadass prepared

-so you're by your locker, getting school shit out

-and peter's right there by you, prepping himself up

-"jeez i forgot how big this was"

-poor y/n just tryna get her chunky ass textbook outta her locker

-"...that's what she said"

-and you just stand there

-complete and utter shock

-tryna process what the fuck just came out of penis parker's mouth

-and as soon as you do

-that chunky ass book slips right through your hands (like peter slipped thru tony's as he slowly disintegrated)

-and some people just turn over and look at y'all like wtf

-"peter"

-"peter what the hell"