Primed For Revenge | Chanlix

19) What Is Love?

Life was filled with surprises and no one knew that better than Lee Felix, or should I say Bang Felix. One day he was a college student, the next a wanted criminal, and now a married man. Surprises was an understatement.

Felix looked out of the large window in the penthouse and thought, his thoughts consuming him a little as he had no concept of what was happening around him.

He'd given Chan a chance to be friends at least, maybe more in time, but he didn't know if he made the right choice or not. I mean, what if Chan hurt him again? He said himself that he thought love was complete bullshit. He might still think that.

"Hey Chan?" Felix called out to Chan who was sat at the kitchen island phone in hand.

"Yeah Lix." He answered.

"Why did you think love was bullshit?" He asked. Chan paused in his actions and turned to Felix. Why the sudden question?

"Umm, my parents I guess." Chan mumbled and Felix came over to him.

"Wait no, never mind, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Felix said softly and Chan smiled at how considerate the younger was.

"Its okay, I'll tell you. My parents were so in love when I was growing up. They were so lovey dovey it was sickening, they couldn't be without each other for long. Honestly I thought they were the most loving couple in the world. Until I grew up and they started fighting 24/7, in front of me too like I didn't exist. Then one day my mom up and left. I turned 18 and my dad gave me the gang. I haven't seen my mom since I was 15. And my dad told me to never trust love, that it would jus fuck you up in the end." Chan explained and Felix's heart hurt that he had to witness all of that from his parents.

"Y'know, in some way I would agree with your dad, I mean, what happened to me fucked me up pretty badly, love hurt me a lot. But, being in love is a beautiful thing Chan, I would know." Felix said and looked down when saying the last sentence.

Love was a pretty beautiful thing. It made you feel safe, happy, loved. Love was a feeling so, epic, that Felix would give up anything to feel it again. Actually, Felix had been in love before.

Not the first 4 boyfriends, hell no. He thought it was love but he was just blinded. No, he fell in love with the man sitting in front if him, until the same man left him broken. But before that, Felix loved Chan with everything he had.

"Really? Tell me what's its like then." Chan said pulling Felix to sit in the seat beside him.

"Seriously Chan?" Felix said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes seriously. Tell me what its like being in love." Chan said all ears.

"Its a feeling so indescribable thats its just that much beautiful. It makes you feel warm, and safe. It makes you feel so warm that it feels like a volcano, love at a temperature that makes you melt when with the person that just makes you feel complete. You always have an urge to protect your love, keep them safe. When the person you love isn't beside you, you feel like you can't breath. Love is when you need the other to function properly, when you're nothing without them. Its a lot more too but even if I try to explain I wouldn't be able to." Felix's explanation was beyond beautiful to Chan's ears.

Trust me though, Chan knows what it's like, judging by the fact that the one he loved, and still loves, is sat right in front of him.

"That was gorgeous Lix. Who knows, maybe I'll experience it one day." Chan said holding Felix's hand. 

"Umm, I was going to meet up with Changbin so I'm gonna go now." Felix said clearing his throat and standing up. Chan nodded with sad eyes and let him go.