JAHANI.
July 22nd, 2012. That was the last time I seen Sekou—I think about it a lot. I gulped on my pride while knocking on the mahogany door awaiting his unwanted presence. The sound of dogs barking, systems being tampered with and smoky laughter was heard. I felt sick to my stomach as I held the urge of wanting to vomit in his ficuses. My mind was running a mile a minute while I attempted to muster up the sight of his presence. Did I sock him in the jaw or act civil for the purpose of being a decent human being. I didn't have much time to weigh the options as the door opened, frozen, is where I stood. Momentarily stopping breathing, I felt a wash of emotions as he reacted before I and reached his arms out to embrace me.
I stepped backwards and he sighed softly, "Jahani. Uh, come on in." He anxiously glanced behind me and allowed me inside of his home. Walking through the foyer where his Rottweiler bared their teeth at me, in the living room decorated in crisp white furniture. Everything looked staged. Besides the coffee table that had pounds of marijuana packaged in plastic. I stood silent as he strolled in, wearing a velour tracksuit and slides. Just like a Detroit nigga.
Sekou walked into the kitchen grabbing a glass with brown liquor and gingerly sipping, "So how've you been?"
I scoffed. "Just fucking peachy."
"See that you got Trina' sarcasm."
I grew silent while reeling in my anger, it didn't work. Because I had his temper.
"You fucking left us with her, knowing all the shit you did. You left us to be raised by an incompetent junkie, I was a kid! And you sit here and your nice ass house, running the streets, in and out of the country while your seeds struggle! I'm fucking angry-"
"You got every reason to be."
"Damn right! When I decided to come here I didn't know what my intentions were going to be, whether or not if I wanted to rock yo shit or if I wanted to burn this shit down. I still don't know."
"It's unsettling to talk about, I was selfish. I didn't want kids but Trina was so happy to be a mother and I loved her so much that I couldn't take that away from her. The further she got in her pregnancy, the more serious shit got and I was a pussy so I ran. When you were about one I came back around and Trina didn't want shit to do with me just for you to be in your life as much as possible. That didn't last long when feelings were involved and I began cheating, things were back to how they started. After that something snapped in Trina- I realized every time I came around I was like a match to gasoline."
"I know it doesn't amount to my years of absence but I'm sorry, Jahani." My face twisted with anger as tears rolled down my cheek, quickly thumbing them away.
Silence fell over us as I tried to configure my thoughts. "If it's money that you want I have no problem giving it to you."
"I don't want money, I don't want shit from you truthfully. Money and shit can't make up for your absence nothing you could ever do will be able to. But one thing I need, Aoki can't turn out like me. He needs you. I'm not his parent and I can't be—that's you and Mom's job. Give that to him."
