After All This Time

Chapter 24

"AH FUCK!" Mikey flew to his knees and turned to see who had snuck up on him. He was met with his older brother Raph. "RAPH fuck man you scared the shit out of me!" "AND three curse words, man you're on a roll tonight." Raph gave a chuckle and slight pat to his brothers head as he took a seat next to him. "I thought you were asleep!?" Mikey half yelled moving the stogie to his other hand. "Mike I'm a very light sleeper, I felt you get out of bed." Mikey gave him a shocked look. "Really that's all it takes, someone moving?" "Yes, and we aren't doing a subject change mister." Mikey gave a sigh, he thought he was getting somewhere with the slight subject change. "So how long?" Raph asked as he gazed into the nights sky. "Like...four years? I think." Mikey hadn't really kept track of when he started smoking, all he knows is he found a pack near the trash on patrol one night and that's how it started. Raphs eyes went wide for a second "four years is a long time; you know stogies aren't good for your heath, right?" Raph turned his attention to look his little brother in the eyes. Mikey looked away "yea I know..." the two sat in silence for a few minutes before either spoke.

"Are you going to tell the others...?" Mikey asked so quite Raph barley heard him. He thought for a second. "Not if you pass me one" Mikey was taken back, his brother was just lecturing him about these and now he wants one? He held the pack of stogies to his brother and let him take one. He went to offer Raph a light, but he already pulled his own zippo out. Mikey continued with his own stogie. He puffed another smoke cloud into the night "I thought you said these were bad?" Raph let out a small snort. "i did, and they are." Mikey pulled his leg to his chest and laid his head on top of his knee. "Then why are you smoking with me?" Mikey gave a confused glance. Raph let out a sigh "I'm not going to get mad about this when we almost die like every day." Raph turned his head to face Mikey once more, Mikey looked into
his brothers' eyes and seen a look he knew all too well. Pain, something was on his mind. "Raph what's up?" Raph just looked towards the moon. "Do you ever...ever think about our lives? Like what we do or stuff...?" Raph was searching for the right way to put it. "What like being a ninja?" Mikey tried to help him out. "No, er well kinda? Like we most likely won't have a family of our own, and even if we do somehow find someone do you know how many times we have almost died! I mean shit, one of these days we are going to die for real. And I know dad and Leo love us but sometimes it feels like they don't actually care ya' know, like they just shove us into fights and situations that we barely make it out of. I mean fuck you were kidnapped and experimented on and practically cut open, Leo's been crushed so many times, AND kidnapped by the shredder, Donnie has been put in so many situations with dangerous chemicals or BOMBS! I have been shot a few to many times and had so many concussions I'm surprised I'm not brain dead. And that night we got you back from the krangs lab I honestly thought you wouldn't make it through the night and... That scared me. Every time we go into a battle... I'm scared..." Raph held back tears as he took a deep breath. Mikey was shocked, he knew Raph cared about his family but to actually hear his thoughts was something different. But what shocked him the most was hearing Raph feared going into battle. Raph LOVED fighting it's what he lived for. Mikey scooted closer to his older brother and put his head on Raph's shoulder. Raph plopped his head onto Mikeys. As much as he tried to hold them in, tears rolled down Raph's face. "Honestly, I never thought of it that way... I just seen it as it was our job to fight and protect the city. I never really wanted to fight but I seen you guys fight and protect the city and... I wanted to be like you three." By now they both had tears slip from their eyes. Raph rubbed Mikeys shoulder in comfort. Mikey started to sniffle. "We will be okay mike..." "Raph...?" Mikey said in a weak voice. "Yea otouto..." "between you and I... I really fucking hate our lives..."

"I just want to disappear..."