Sincerely Me (A Jeff the Killer Story)

Chapter Six~*

1- Jamie

Jeff has been gone for a month already and we are fearing the worse. I didn't even know he had left.

Slender didn't tell me right away but I found out quickly enough when he didn't visit me during my week in the infirmary. When Slender finally told my why he left, I was furious, but I was also a little hurt that Jeff didn't wait for me to wake up. Since finding out that not only had my baby died but that I won't be having another child, I really could have used some help, even if Jeff has no idea how to comfort someone. Still, just being near him would have helped a little.

But he's gone and I'm alone with a crushing depression that takes all my strength and fighting power with it. The first three days after waking up were the easiest because all I did was sleep and wonder where Jeff was. After I finally stabilized and realized that Jeff was gone, my emotions started plummeting into the bottom of a dark well. It's been easy to hid it from everyone else but Slender can't be fooled.

He knows, probably better than I do, what I'm feeling but he just doesn't understand it. I think Slender knows the name and facts about all the problems that can happen to a human-mental, emotional, or physical-but I don't think he knows exactly how to place the name with the feeling itself. After all, how would he know what depression felt like?

A soft breeze causes the trees to sway and the high grass to ripple around me. The meadow Jeff showed me a few years back did indeed look beautiful in the summer. An army of ants march their way across the top of the blanket I'm sitting on, paying no attention to me. I'm almost grateful for that. After being watched closely by all the others, it's refreshing to be reminded that, when it really comes down to it, my pain doesn't matter. The world goes on. I should do the same.

"Jamie," I look up at Slender. He stands towering over me, the trees behind him shifting in a breeze.

"Yes?" I ask, looking back down and messing with the corner of the blanket.

"What are you doing? You told me you would stay inside." I sigh and close my eyes. "Jamie, I know what you are thinking."

"Then why ask?" I ask, laying back with my eyes still closed. "It gets boring having to stay in that mansion all day. I want to get out and do stuff." I don't mention that the real problem isn't boredom, but having to sit in bed and stare at the door, hoping it'll open and reveal Jeff.

"There is plenty to do at the mansion and you know that. You are just making excuses because you do not want to be at the mansion."

I sit up, a spark of emotion where everything used to be just dead lights up and I glare at Slender. He holds out a hand to me and I smack it aside.

"Yeah, you got that right! I don't want to be there. I want to leave because there's nothing there for me."

"Nothing there? So Gold is not your friend, your life with Jeff is nothing? The past three years you spent with us are nothing?" He asks and a static grows in my head from his anger.

"Don't even start that! Jeff is probably dead-"

"We don't know that yet."

"-I lost my baby and my mom-"

"Which is tragic enough."

"-and Gold can't even possibly begin to understand what is going on with me." I scream, tears starting to form in my eyes. "There's this pain in my chest that feels like a hole. It's not sharp and quick, but dull and everlasting. It hurts to even breathe and I don't want to move or get up. I don't even want to cry because that will take up too much effort. It's almost like every day is a struggle, and every week is a fight, and every month is a battle and every year is a war. Every year here has felt like some war just to survive but I've finally been hit with the killing blow and now I don't know what to do."