Sincerely Me (A Jeff the Killer Story)

Chapter Thirteen~*

1- Jamie

Although Jeff is finally back at the mansion, we spend about as much time with each other as we did when he was gone. After Jeff woke up in the infirmary and I confirmed he was fine, I left to my room and stayed in there for the rest of the day. I spent that time trying to make myself feel some sort of affection for him but my heart felt dead. When I first saw him lying on the bed unconscious, I have to admit that some unknown part of me reacted to seeing Jeff so vulnerable. But once he woke up and spoke to me, everything in me just shut off. The feeling that made me want to climb on the bed with him shriveled up and I started to cry. I cried because I realized I was no longer in love with Jeff.

Of all the people who I thought would be the one to break me, I never thought it would be Jeff. In my mind, Jeff was the one who always saved me when I was in over my head. But that hasn't been the case lately. Now it turns out that, out of everyone is this twisted world, the one who would make my heart turn cold is the one who I loved the most.

I squeeze my eyes shut and curl up into a tighter ball. There's a dull ache in my chest and I know that I'm not sad because of Jeff. I'm sad because I know I will never love or care for him in the same way. I may never love or care for anyone in the same way. It has taken me a long time to come this the realization but, once I did, I knew it was true. I had known it somewhere in the back of my head but I never acknowledged it. Now that I have I will never be able to think differently.

There's a soft knocking on my door. I roll over and face the wall, turning my back to the rest of the room. There's another knock. I know who it is. He's been coming by every hour of every day since Jeff has come back. I make no move to open the door but that's okay. He'll just open the door if I don't answer by the third knock. Hoodie knocks once more and only waits for a second after before opening the door.

"I really don't appreciate you just coming into my room." I say to the wall.

He says nothing but I hear him walk into my room and close the door behind him. There's silence for a few seconds then he walks to the bed and sits beside me. I say nothing more and he sits by me in silence. I had always heard Hoodie was the quietest of Slender's proxies but it was such a huge change from Masky that I could hardly get used to it. He sits on my bed for several long, silent minutes and I stay facing the wall.

Hoodie clears his throat. "You know, I never wanted this life." He sounds clear and I realize he probably took off or lifted his mask. I'm tempted to turn and get a look of his face but I decide against it. "This was forced onto me too. There are sometimes where I forget that. Being around Slender's full powers for so long takes a huge toll on the brain. I forget that I never wanted this."

He stops and I know he's waiting for a response from me. "Then why do you stay? If you don't want this, can't you leave?"

He scoffs. "You can't leave this, Monroe. We're all stuck here until we die." Another pause but this time he continues. "Or maybe you can. I know I can't. In the beginning, I tried really hard to resist Slender. But I started losing huge chunks of memory and sometimes I would wake up in places I didn't even recognize. I don't know for sure all the things I did but there are some parts where I would get control of myself for a little bit and I would rebel against him."

I sit up, though I make sure to stay facing away from him, and he continues. "I like to tell myself that if I had just tried and struggled harder, I would be free. I'd be able to lead a normal life. But now the whole world thinks I'm dead and I've completely surrendered."

I pull my legs to my chest and lay my head on my knees. "But why you? Why did Slender choose you?"

"He didn't. Not at first at least. I try not to blame Tim but sometimes I wonder if I had never met him, would Slender still have found me? I'll never know the answer. Either way, I try not to blame him. I know he never meant for this to happen."