You're My Biggest Mistake

Chapter 30

Kim Taeyeon's Point of View

I'm at a recording stall to record my digital single <11:11>. I've been spacing out for half an hour now because of what Chanyeol said to me last night.

"You gotta do this on your own, and you better not fall through."

Chanyeol's giving me a second chance, but the problem is I don't know what to do next. Meanwhile, Baekhyun spent a year doing something I can't even plan in my head, and I took it for granted.

Why did I allow myself to lose such a great guy?

I wake up from my daze when the recording producer talks in the pair of headphones I'm wearing, "Do you want to do it some other time, Taeyeon?"

I bite my lower out of shame and apologize, "I'm sorry. I think I just need some rest."

Thankfully, he was nice enough to reschedule it for the day after tomorrow, so I took this time to go to my parents' place and just do nothing. While driving, my mind is filled with Baekhyun that I can't easily fan away with my hands. It's like a butterfly is flying near me without having the fear of getting smashed with my hands, but I love butterflies and won't kill them in any way.

FLASHBACK

I entered the dance room and saw someone who had passed out. He's on the ground with his head resting on his folded arms on the couch.

It's Baekhyun...

I quietly sat in front of him and watched as his eyes flicker with the room's light.

Oh, how I miss watching him sleep...

He softly wiggled and woke up from his sleep all of a sudden. Our eyes met, and I saw how tired he was just from looking at his eyes. He smiled, and with a hoarse voice, he uttered, "Wow... This is the first time you visited me in my dream. I was wondering when you'd see me."

I returned his smile, but it missed my eyes, "Sorry, did I wake you up?"

He sat upright and shook his head. He reached for my hand and mumbled, "Hm... I missed you."

I took a deep breath in an attempt to suppress my emotions before asking, "Are you doing okay?"

He forced a bitter smile, "How would I be okay when you've left me... all alone?"

"Right... I'm bad for leaving you all alone," I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat, "Can't you just erase me from your memory?"

He scorned then stroked my hand, "Easier said than done... You're a deep-rooted tree in my heart." He played with my hand just like he did in the past, "Are you taking care of your hands?"

"Baekhyun-ah, I'm just one of the girls you'll meet in your lifetime," I induced him into thinking that he should forget about me.

He looked at me with tears in his eyes, "You really think that way? You're the only girl I want to meet in this lifetime." He positioned himself more comfortably and went serious, "You said I don't know how much you suffered just to be with me, right? How about me? Did you know how much I've suffered? I had to hear hurtful words from the stage, I had to go against my friends' wills, I had to hold onto you while you were slipping away; I was also suffering, but I never complained... not once."

I started crying when I finally heard him lash out about the situation I put him through, "I'm so sorry..."

Seeing my tears made him cry, and he started whimpering, "I was trying to prove to those five old hags, who were verbally abusing you, that our love was real and worthy to fight for, but you ended up dumping me. I wish I understood why, but no. Was I not worthy enough? Am I someone who could only be loved for this long?"

I held his cheeks tightly to convince him, "No... no, Baekhyun."

He screamed, "Then, why? Why, Taeyeon?" He pushed my hands away and wiped his tears like a kid, "I never even got to say how much I love you, Taeng..."

I clutched my knees and told him, "I had never felt anything but your love, Baekhyun."

"And I never got tired of loving you, Taeyeon," he sobbed.

I shook my head, "Please, just forget about me. Forget we even happened."

He looked away and asked, "You have the guts to tell me that... Are you living just fine?"

"Yes," I nodded, even though I've been feeling under the weather lately.

He exhaled, trying not to let a whimper escape his lips, "All while it's getting harder and harder for me to live knowing I'm without you."

"Baekhyun, it's been seven months..." I plead.

He swung his head back and forth in denial, "Everything feels like yesterday. When you were protesting to the public that we were in love and no one could do anything about it, it felt like yesterday. Although you broke up with me the next day... at least that's how I felt it was. Do you know how absurd it was on my part? You don't, do you? Why did you even ask that we should go on dates and not give a fvck about everyone when you're not going to stick to your words? You said we're still gonna be fine, right? 'You still have me, I still have you,' right? Why did you break your promise?"

I covered my lips with the back of my fingers to muffle my cries, "I'm so sorry..."

He gripped my wrists, pulling me into him in desperation, "Don't go. Please stay... Don't wake me up from this dream! I don't want you to go. Please..."

I stopped him from pulling me any further, "Baekhyun-ah... You need to stop hurting."

He forced himself to stop crying as he moved closer to sit beside me, "Okay. I will stop hurting, just please don't go." Then he hugged my arms, leaning his head on my shoulders. I assumed he went back to sleep when his breath got stable, while my cries just got louder.

I gave both of us a few minutes to stay in that position until I had to go before he woke up again. I wiped my tears with the end of my sleeves and left him alone and vulnerable.

+=+=+=+=+=+

I arrive at my parents' place and head straight to my room without letting them know I came. I find comfort in my room and sleep my worries away before facing the storm I kept running away from.