If I were at a party and some pretty lady handed me a shot with a dissolving tablet sitting at the bottom I'm not so sure I'd decline the offer.
I've always been very strict with myself on these matters. You may smoke weed, you may drink, but you may not do anything more.
I've already let myself down in the aspect, as I can't seem to put the vape down to rest. I want to quit and I am very strong. But I do not want to quit. I want to quit the addiction but I don't want to quit the feeling. This is an addiction I picked up when I was younger; much more impressionable. I was much quicker to do what everyone else was doing, I wanted to fit in with people I didn't even like. I wish I didn't make that decision, I wish I remained true to myself.
But it's too late to mourn a decision I made in the past. I chose to live my life without regrets.
But to be at a party and have a cutie hand me some drugs. I don't even know if I know myself. I cannot be certain of anything, this is a fact.
Truthfully, I don't have much of a desire to do drugs. I used to find it hard to understand how people could enjoy them so much; but then I remembered how much I love weed and it made a bit more sense.
Even still, you can smoke too much weed. You can smoke yourself scared and anyone who knows what that feels like knows it isn't fun. I can't imagine hard drugs being much better.
I've never done hard drugs, it goes against the rules I've made for myself. Self-discipline is everything.
But a girl and a shot of acid. Who knows? I learned that no body can be certain of anything. I know in this moment I would say no. But this is this moment and that is that moment. I'm not in that moment, how could I know what decision I would make? I know myself, yes, but I don't know my future self yet. With time brings change, even change of self that you once thought not possible. Maybe in the future I would take that shot. Maybe tomorrow I would take that shot. Who knows? No body.
"Nothing in life is promised, except death." -Kanye West.
I know it's odd to put a modern rap artist quote in a random poetry book in a very strange corner of the internet, much less Kanye, but it fits.
Nothing in life is promised. Nothing in life is set-in-stone. Except death. So truly, with every single fibre of your being, you cannot be certain of anything. You can't even comprehend how little you know — how much you'll never even hear of.
"A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool."
- William Shakespeare
The wisest people know they know nothing. Only a fool believes himself to be a genius.
To know oneself is a tricky thing. I know that I am a man. I know that I have blonde hair. I know that my eyes are blue. These are facts.
I believe that all humans on earth are deserving of dignity and respect. I believe that I am a very capable person who can achieve what they set their mind to. I believe that my friends are good people. I believe that my beliefs are true.
Will I believe all this in ten years? I don't know.
I'm inclined to believe that the answer is yes, and I'm almost positive that the answer is yes. But I cannot be sure. I am not in ten years from now; I am in now. I only know what I know in the now.
It's so easy to think: no, I know myself. I know I wouldn't change my mind.
Sometimes it's even nerve racking to think you would ever believe anything different.
But don't let yourself stress over what the future holds. You cannot stop it from coming, you cannot slow it down, you can't even predict what it holds. But that's the beauty of it, and you'll find that no matter what happens in life you'll find a way to find comfort in it. Because you're human; humans are strong creatures even if you can't see it in yourself.
I ramble a lot, it's a product of my adhd. You can see it even in my writing. What can I say? This is who I am. It gives the literature character that you won't find in any other authors work. All of my teachers from every grade level told me I had a talent for writing and put much emphasis on the voice. I've always shined in the arts.
I just have so much to say and I learn new things everyday, I want to share all my thoughts and everything I learn with the world.
I love being alive so much. I love being myself. I love learning. I love writing. I love not knowing what the future will be like. I love it all. I'm so happy with my life, I wouldn't trade it for anything.
I have no doubt that I will always love this life.
I may not be certain of anything but I'd be willing to put all my money on it.
