Crown

•35•

"Why do you think she left?"

"What?" Pablo was confused. They were just discussing the details of his meeting with Gabriel Majesty so the change of topic was quite surprising.

"Jayda."

Pablo looked at him as and felt for his friend. He felt pity for him. He had no damn idea how miserable he looked. With a 12 days old bear stud, dull eyes lacking their light, hair looking very unkempt. It was obvious he'd lost sleep.
He was very professional during all his meeting and business activities. He didn't want to show weakness to anyone with his behavior. But with his looks, it was a different story entirely. It was like he was mourning. Because of his foolishness.

"Because you were a dick to her," Pablo stated fact.

Kaden narrowed his eyes at him.
"Thank you very much, Martinez."

"You're welcome. But seriously, you had to have said something to upset her."

"I barely said anything," Kaden shrugged and let out an exasperated breathe. He missed her. So bad.
He'd been so convinced that he made the right decision by letting her leave and that it was for the best. But after day 1 and day 2 with sleepless, restless nights, he knew he had fucked up. Bad.

"So now you're ready to talk about it?"
Pablo crooked his eyebrow. The man has been so dismissive about the whole topic.

"I am. This feels torturous. Pretending I don't care, when infact, I'm tempted every day to drive down to her house, beg on my knees for her forgiveness, hold her in my arms and kiss her. I fucking messed up."

"You honestly did."

"Maybe it's good she left. This Mafia shot keeps coming up and it's full blown now. It's getting out of hand and I'd hate myself forever if anything were to happen to her because of me. She doesn't deserve me and she's too innocent for this life. She's too precious. Like a treasure. I can't pull her into my shit. That'll be unfair and terrible of me. I love her."

"That's exactly why you should go over and apologize. You can protect her if you choose to."

"It's not easy Pablo. All my guards are down when I'm with her and I can't seem to think clear and that's wrong. I'm a Mafia don of one of the most powerful clans in all of Mexico and America and one little slip can bring it all crashing down."

"Kaden. Your anger and insecurity is speaking. I know you're still dead pissed about the hospitals and raids, but were rectifying it and it's going well because of your strategies. You're a good Don. You're smart and you do what's right. Just look how you're brilliantly getting back at Lucifer by freeing the women and children he's trying to traffic. That's very noble. It's not your fault you were born into a Mafia but you were and that is nobody's fault. I worked for your father for just two years before he passed and I really admired him. He chose to be a strong Don, a fierce leader but still had a family. And he kept you all safe."

"And I still do not understand how he could do it."

"Well, he wanted you to be better than him and you want to uphold his legacy, so follow that."

"But I'm not him. That's the point. He was the greatest man I ever knew. I'm not sure I'll be able to meet up to his expectations."

"Then set your own expectations, damnit. Set your own goals. But be happy. The mafia is life draining and I know that. My father was nothing like yours. He gave up on me, my mom and Stormi cause he had your mentality, that we were distractions. Sent us to America, died alone. He overdosed on serious coke. Probably because he had demons and shit that he couldn't handle anymore by himself. I'm sure you don't want to die like that, Arturo. The Mafia is dark, no hiding from that dark side, but if you let it consume you, it'll be something else. You need light somewhere that you can rely on and run back to when things get messed up. Your dad had that and I'm sure you want that too, so drop the whole brooding, dark Don shit. It's not worth it. You're human and you cannot handle all this alone. You deserve to be happy and right now if you keep this up, you're going to get depressed."

"Depressed is a strong word, Martinez," Kaden scoffed.

"I'm serious, bro."

Kaden let out a breathe. He knew everything Pablo had said made a lot of sense but still...

"I think I'd like to think about it."

"Come on, Kaden. You cannot be serious. You know the right thing to do. Don't kill yourself. You're hurting yourself and don't get me started on how Jayda must be feeling. Stop this. You love her and she loves you."

"What if love isn't enough?"

"Love is a choice you make and only you can choose if you want to make it enough for you."

|•|•|•|•|

The clock in the sitting room ticked loudly. It echoed in the dark, noiseless house.
No living soul was in, but she was. She felt dead. Seated on the couch, blanket wrapped around herself, staring at the TV that made no sound but displayed people and things happening.

She felt cold. Numb.
She thought she could do it. Pull herself together and stay strong. But she couldn't.
She was certain she'd never recover from this. It was intense. She was tired of crying. She was exhausted, mentally, physically. She didn't understand why it turned out like this.

It hurt more that he didn't even care. No text. No call. Nothing at all. It was painful.
He wasn't missing her, he wasn't thinking about her, he didn't care not one bit and it hit her hard.
How could all those moments mean absolutely nothing to him.  How could she mean nothing to him.
It wasn't fair.
She wanted to know why he would do this. Why he would hurt her? This wasn't fair at all.
It wasn't.

Tears clouded her vision again and she bit her lip and tilted her head back to swallow it.
And then, the doorbell rung.

She looked at the time on her phone, his handsome face, being the first thing she saw.
Rachel had wanted to change it and delete all of his pictures but Jayda didn't have it.

It was 30 minutes past 7, so that had to be Rachel and Joedi.
She pulled her self together and wiped her tears. She took in deep breathes and gained her composure, but when she opened the door, she lost it again.
She thought she was hallucinating seeing him there in front of her doorstep as she staggered and her breath shuddered.

"Princesa."

When he said that, she knew this was real.
Tears rolled down her cheeks and her breathing became uneven.

And he saw it. Reality kicked him in the gut.
He saw how much pain he had caused her. How much he had really fucked up.

She didn't resist him when he pulled her into his arms where she began sobbing hard and holding onto him.
He held onto her tight and hates himself more for what he'd done to her.

Who missed me?  Cause I sure missed y'all.
School has been crazyyyyy! And it's a miracle I'm still sane. So you'll have to forgive me for my absence. It will happen more often but you'll have to pardon me.

Nevertheless, RABIGAIL is still dropping on Valentine's day, so check it out.

Besides, Jayda would've given Kaden a slap instead, don't you think?