Rosewood Institute

Keeping Him

Silas' POV

All I could feel was guilt and regret over how I reacted during our last session, Arundelle's reaction was what I expected it to be and so much more.

He's usually quiet and withdrawn, doesn't normally yell out or speak loudly unless he's triggered or in a lot of emotional distress.

I feel terrible about what happened earlier, but I know deep down that he loves and cares for us deeply, but struggles on how to outwardly show it to us.

I quickly leave my office, deciding to do my paperwork and other institute business at another time, Arundelle's more important than that.

I felt like he wasn't in the normal spots like his bedroom or in the library. I even checked the music room, kitchen and game room! I suppose that he goes like watching tv every now and then, apparently he was on a Bridgerton kick and was convinced Eloise was totally gay for her best friend, Penelope! I swear that boy tries to make everyone gay, it's adorable and oh so hilarious.

I finally find him in the smaller, secondary living room that we have closer to Birch's room. It's brighter in color and has lots of toys and games for Birch to play with. I've thought about getting him an outdoor play gym but haven't yet decided on one yet. Funny enough, I could see Jewel and Myka playing in it with him; they all have so much energy, I could see them loving it.

I found Arundelle looking at the board games we gave lining a bookshelf away from the tv, he seemed to be contemplating something when he noticed me. I expected him to tense when he saw me but to my delight, he relaxed slightly when he saw me.

That made me feel slightly better about what happened, but my guilt continued to eat me up inside as I reflected on my actions.

I look at Arundelle's face, and I can tell how distraught he is, how much our words hurt each other. I know in that moment, I didn't think about him being my patient, I just wanted to hold my boyfriend like I can hold Paisley or the others. I know Arundelle is different, and that's okay but sometimes I wish for something more with him, a deeper connection holding us together.

I look down at the floor in guilt and whisper, "I'm sorry for earlier, I didn't do that as a therapist. I let my feelings as your boyfriend cloud my judgement. I hope you can forgive me."

I turn away from where he was in the living room and go to walk away, give him his space, when I felt a thin gloved hand wrap around my wrist.

I looked down at my arm in shock, this is the first real time he's ever really touched one of us.

I mean, yes, he does things like playing with Birch or helping with the laundry or even lightly brushing past us in the library but this felt different... tender and caring like the energy Paisley exudes on a daily basis.

When I looked into Arundelle's eyes, I could see love and some of his anxiety but he seemed... better than I've ever seen him before.

"It's fine, I-I got these gloves from Hades as a present forever ago, and I just didn't want to have to wear them. But I like it, it feels like I'm.. protected? Maybe... I dunno." Arundelle shakes his head as he drops his hand as he thinks of what he wants to say.

"I know you were never intentionally making me hurt or feel betrayed but I overreacted and I'm sorry for that. I don't want to leave, I was just feeling a little stuck in the situation." He looks at me then walks over to the couch and sits on it

I follow him and say, "You didn't overreact, I over stepped our boundaries that we already agreed upon early on when you first came here to be my patient, then I also didn't ask before I touched you. I guess with it being so long since our last private session and not one of our group sessions I temporarily forgot some of our boundaries and I apologize for that, Arundelle, I truly do."