Doors open.

I don't know how.

The silence consumed the room. My eyes fixated on his tainted forearm, and his eyes locked on mine.

I knew it was true. I knew from the second I read the letter, it would be there. But, seeing it, with my own eyes hurt in a different kind of way.

To see his skin stained with such evil, to see the pain behind his eyes, to have the words of that letter replay in my head on a continuous loop.

I finally ripped my eyes away from his arm, and trailed them up to his eyes.

They looked like they were begging me to say something, anything.

If I wasn't mistaken, they were even glassing over.

"Yn." His voice was shaky, he sounded scared.

I couldn't speak a word. I couldn't form a sentence no matter how hard I tried. How could I possibly put how I feel into words? How fucking sorry I am that he did this?

"Please." he spoke again.

"I-" my voice was far more hoarse then I thought, "I found the letter."

He bit the inside of his cheek.

"I shouldn't have taken it, I know." I let out a deep breath, as a tear stained my cheek, "but- Matt. Why would you do this?" I tried my hardest to hold back the tears. I couldn't.

"I was going to give it you eventually." he rolled his eyes, "I had no choice."

"Of course you had a choice!" I didn't mean to yell, it just slipped. "I know how much you didn't want this! How did you throw it all away, why did you throw it all away?!"

"I did it for you!" he snapped back at me. "Because I rather hate my fucking life than not have you in it!"

His chest was skipping, his cheeks were glowing red, and now I was certain that his eyes were glassed.

"You didn't have to sign your fucking life away Mattheo." I swallowed the lump of regret in my throat, "I would never ask this of you. I wanted so much more for you."

"What is that supposed to mean?" he was snappy, and angry.

"Just that-" I started.

"Go ahead! Say it. I'm ruined? I'm dirty? I'm too far gone now?"

"Matt, No!" I almost choked on the words coming up.

"Say it, yn!" he snapped.

"That you poured your whole heart out to me last summer, about how much you fucking hate him! That you never ever wanted to be like him, or follow him, how disturbed you were and traumatized and now-" my voice cracked again, "Now your... your..."

"Go a head. Say it." he scoffed.

"Matt. I just, I could never say how fucking sorry I am. For what you did, for not being there. For everything." I picked both my hands up wiping my cheeks.

"I never asked you to apologize. It was my choice." his voice was leveling out.

"You should've just let me go, Matt. I never expected you to save me." my lips shook uncontrollably.

"No. I shouldn't have. Because in all my life, I have never felt the way I feel, than what I feel when i'm around you. I could not let that feeling slip away from me. I did what I did, and I would do it again and again, to save you." this time, a single tear fell from his eye, which he quickly got rid of.

I walked over to him and threw my arms around him. I did exactly what his letter said he wanted. I held him. I felt his chest rising and falling rapidly, as his arms snaked around my waist pulling me closer. He buried his head in my neck.