𝕋𝕠𝕠 𝕄𝕦𝕔𝕙 𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝕎𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕂𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕐𝕠𝕦 ~ 𝕄𝕒𝕪𝕝𝕠𝕣

2024 a/n (vent writing)

feb 18
hi

alright so all that about brian fucking KILLING his arm...

yeah i made that into a true story abt myself yesterday AND today.

my arm is so fucked up rn i wanna show someone so bad.

showing people feels kinda validating yk?

its like 3 in the morning and im lying here, in bed, makeshift gauze taped all over my arm, blood seeping through it all over my sheets.

fuck it ima write my current situation like a book. same format as the rest of the fic.

vent writing time yay

I lie in bed, awake. I can't stop tossing and turning. No position is comfortable. Every way I turn, the crusty dried blood rubs against my skin.

The light from my alarm clock is the only light in the room. It illuminates the space with a soft green glow. I stare at it, the dots blinking for every second.

2:10

It's been days since I last got a proper amount of sleep. My eyes feel so heavy and dry.

I reach up and grab my vape, taking 3 slow drags from it. The nicotine makes my whole body feel numb. I want to sleep.

My arm is so sore from cutting. I've cut the same spot 3 days in a row. I don't know how i'll hide this. I close my eyes and wish for sleep to come to me snd save me from myself... but it never does.

The thoughts race around in my mind, beating against the walls of my skull.

kill yourself.

he doesn't love you

he's done with you

he said it himself

you're hurting him

just kill yourself already

if you love him, you'll leave him.

you did this to yourself

The thoughts are so loud. It hurts. Did he really say those things? I don't know... How could I? I'm crazy. I'm the problem. I've always been the problem.

The edges of the plastic medical tape on my arm dig into my skin ever so gently. It's just enough to drive me insane. My hair is so dirty. It smells. I'll have to shower tomorrow...

my cuts are going to hurt so bad...

I want to text my boyfriend, but he's asleep... He didn't even tell me goodnight today...

Maybe I'm just overthinking... but am I really?

I can still feel blood soaking through my bandages, the gentle trickle as it's absorbed into the mesh. I think about when I cut.

I sit at my desk, scalpel in hand, my left arm rested on the table's edge. I place the tip of the knife on my skin and press down. Multiple swipes down my arm, and multiple jagged cuts on my arm. They open up to reveal the white spongy dermis underneath, before a rush of blood fills the opening and beads as i let go and let the wound close.

the drops of blood begin to grow and drip off my arm. I take my knife again, and repeat my actions. These ones were deeper than before.

I come back to my senses upon hearing s loud crash. A bottle fell off my shelf and hit something on the floor.

My ghost is at it again.

The thoughts have been so loud these past 4 days.

ending it here cause im actually sleepy as hell.

anyway its nice to see u (if theres anyone reading at all)

pls comment if u read allat :3