Shattered 1 of 4

Chapter 10 Adam Ruzek

"Son, you can do this you know" I watch as my dad holds the baby, I don't know why everyone thinks I can take care of a baby. I've never even changed a diaper, the other day was the first time I had even held a baby.

"I don't know anything about babies, nothing at all" I tell him, as I get out of the bed and pace, "when are they going to let me go, I'm fine"

"Adam, you can come stay with us if you want?" He puts the baby back in his little bed.

"Thanks pops, but I doubt Amy wants me moving in with a baby" I stand over the baby and watch as he sleeps, his bottom lip trembles as he sleeps. It's almost as if he knows he's screwed with me as his father.

"She wouldn't mind at all, she isn't that bad" he tells me "have you come up with a name yet?"

I wish people would stop asking, I swear each nurse has asked me what his name is and I don't know what to say.

Kim finally gets back, "Mr.Ruzek, how are you?" She asks my dad as she scoops the baby up, and holds him close. Even a blind man could see how much she loves that baby, for that I'm thankful. "Hey sweet boy, I bought you some clothes and this sweet puppy dog" she places a little stuffed dog in his bed.

"Thank you for doing all of this Kim, please call me Bob" he tells her, "I have to get back, Adam don't forget what I said, you're welcome to stay with Amy and me" he kisses the baby and pats Kim's arm on the way out.

"Thanks dad"

I watch as Kim changes the baby's diaper, the way she looks at him is amazing. It's obvious she loves him, and I may not know about babies but I think it's safe to say he loves her.

She dresses him in an outfit getting him out of his little hospital gown, she tosses me a duffel bag "I brought you a change of clothes too"

"Thank you" I tell her and go in the bathroom and change, I glance down at my ring finger and slide the wedding band off and put it in the bag.

I listen to her speak to the baby "it's all going to work out sweet boy, your daddy is a good man, just be patient with him. He loves you I know he does, I love you too. It's amazing how much I love you, I know I'm not your mommy but I want to take care of you and your daddy. I know he isn't mine,sweet boy, but I love him"

I'm such a dick, my wife hasn't been dead a week yet, and already I'm thinking about another woman.

When I finally come out of the bathroom, the doctor is examining the baby, "he looks great Kim, you've done a great job" he smiles at Kim "Adam, you ready to take your son home?"

I want to scream 'no, no I'm not', but I remain silent, thankful Kim speaks up "Adam's just a little nervous but he doesn't need to be, he'll do great. I have the car seat in my car so we're good to go doc"

Car seat? I didn't have a car seat or much of anything at all. I wait for the doctor to leave, already having signed the discharge papers "Kim, did you buy a car seat?"

"I did, and some other things" she smiles as she sways with the baby in her arms, "don't be mad, Adam, Jay dropped off some money that the 21st collected and I went shopping"

I sit down "I'm not mad, you shouldn't have spent your own money"

"Stop. I don't mind, he needed things"

"Yea, but it's not your responsibility, he's mine"

"Adam, I know, you're my friend and you need some help right now, and so does this one"

We finally pack up the room and head downstairs, Kim leaves to the get the car. The baby is in the bed beside me, I haven't held him since the night Kim placed him in my arms and she hasn't pressed the issue.

We drive in silence, the baby out cold in the back seat, she keeps checking the rear view mirror and I notice the mirror she has placed above his seat so she can see his reflection in the mirror. It's obvious she spent a lot more money than she claims, as we pull up in front of my house a pit forms in my stomach.

"I can't" I tell her, "I can't go in that house Kim" it just seems wrong, I can't bring the baby in the house and I certainly don't want Kim in that house.

She stares at me for a minute "okay, you want me to take you to your dad's?" She asks, but I don't want to go there either.

"Your place? Can we go to your place?"

I noticed she's a bit stunned, "my place" she mulls it over "yea, I guess. I will call Sean and see if he will get the crib and the baby's things, is that ok?"

"Yea, thanks"

This is all so strange, I don't why she is so willing to help me. What kind of man am I?

All I want to do is pull her in my arms and kiss her, it takes all I have to resist the urge.

I do, for now.