Red Bullets in June

Chapter 25: Loved

Finally, the tips of roller coasters are in view as we approach the Adventureland parking lot. I visibly witness Jaxon's muscles tense as I peer in his direction.

Why is he so tense? Was his last time here with his mom a bad memory?

I hope not.

He pulls into a parking space and kills the engine. We both hop out of the car and I lace my fingers between his. "Let's go!"

Jaxon chuckles at my everlasting enthusiasm and allows me to drag him toward the entrance. We pay for our tickets, shuffle through the security gate and step into the front courtyard of Adventureland. The plethora of rides, game booths, food stands and shops brings a smile to my face. I turn to look at Jaxon and he's smiling as well, wistfully. His eyes are glowing with childlike awe but there's a chink of darkness in their light.

I wish I knew what he's thinking...

"Well, where to first?" I ask.

Jaxon shrugs.

"Do you like roller coasters?"

"Sure."

"Turbulence it is! You've been on that one, right?"

"Um, I think so..."

I grab his hand. "Come on!"

I feel like I'm a kid again; racing through an amusement park to get to my favorite ride. I drag Jaxon behind me and glance back at him. He seems excited, but it's hard to tell. He hides his emotions well.

The line is about a forty minute wait, which is to be expected with most rollercoasters. Jaxon and I kill the time with good conversation. We talk about art, movies, books, music and food. He's experienced and knowledgeable in all those subjects and seems like any average guy. Talking to him is so easy and natural. If I didn't know him like I do now, I would never guess that he's a gang leader.

Jaxon tells me all about the Korean food his mom used to make at home and the Mandu Shop she worked at. We decide we need to go to a Korean restaurant later because it sounds so delicious.

Listening to Jaxon talk about his mom is beyond cute. I can see by the way his eyes light up when he reminisces about her that he loves her a lot.

We finally reach the front of the line and hop inside a green, two seater together. We pull down our lap restraints, wait for an employee to check us and the green car jolts to life. As it chinks up the matching green, metal hill, I grab Jaxon's hand and squeeze it. "Thanks for agreeing to come here."

"Anything for you, baby." He leans closer to kiss my cheek.

Before we know it, we're free falling down a twisted drop. Though it's not very high or steep, I can't contain my squeal and I cling to Jaxon's body with my hand. He laughs freely. More at my reaction I think than the effects of the ride. Whatever the case, it's a beautiful sound and sight to behold; Jaxon, so carefree and happy. When I look at that face of his, crinkled with raw emotion, those 2 words I had been contemplating rise to the surface of my brain once more: 'Jaxon' and 'love.'

Do I love him?

The ride stops and we're all smiles. Our hair is tussled and our cheeks are flushed from the wind. We get out a little tipsy from all the movement and walk hand in hand toward the exit.

"So, where to now?" I ask.

"Hmm... What about that ship ride?"

I grin. "Okay."