Red Bullets in June

Chapter 33: Melancholy

A whole week of excruciating loneliness passes by.
No Jaxon.
It's Thursday, July 5, 2018.
No longer June.
I've been going about my daily life the best that I can. Work. Morning sickness. Prepping for the baby. Forcing down enough calories for both of us despite my lack of appetite.
But, it's been so difficult without Jaxon.
How I've managed to get through even a week without him, I'll never know. Kyler's been calling me almost every day now, but I've been ignoring his calls. I know he'll just ask about Jaxon and I don't want to talk about him. It hurts too much. I can't even bear to say his name out loud.
I also can't bear the vacant spaces. In the house. Between my fingers. Within my heart. Every night, I clutch her mangled shreds, trying desperately to hold her together. To stitch her gaping holes. But it's no use. She continues to wither away in her coffin like a cold and decaying corpse and no amount of remedying seems to resurrect her.
I miss Jaxon.
I need him.
Our baby needs him.
I wish he could see that...
I keep hoping and praying he'll come to me. That he'll come after me. That he'll change his mind and love and accept our baby.
But he doesn't.
His gang is more important.
And now, I'm alone...
I clutch my stomach in agony as I curl up in my mom's spare bedroom and weep for the hundredth time since I've come here.
We are alone.

"Sweetie, will you go grab some green onions from the produce?" My mom asks me.
"Yeah." I shuffle to the vegetables with my head hung low. My mom just picked me up from work and we're now at The Downtown Supermarket in Queens, shopping for groceries. It's Friday, July 6, 2018. 8 days since Jaxon and I have been apart. 8 days of pure hell.
With arms that feel like heavy lead, I rip a produce bag from the plastic dispenser and begin filling it with stocks of green onion in a melancholy manner. A figure comes into view in my peripheral vision, but I don't pay much attention.
"Charlotte?"
Oh crap. I know that voice.
While covering my face with the bag of green onions, I attempt to make a brusque escape, but a restraining hand on my arm brings me to an abrupt halt.
"Charlotte? Why are you running away from me? And why haven't you been answering my calls??"
Giving in, I finally turn to face Kyler with shame in my eyes. He looks offended, concerned and perplexed all at once. "Charlotte? What's going on? What happened?"
I dodge his question. "What are you doing here in Queens?"
His expression brightens. "I have a date..."
Oh. "With who?"
"Chris... The guy Jaxon -"
The mere mention of Jaxon's name makes my knees buckle and Kyler swiftly seizes my arm to hold me up before I crumble to the ground. "Oh honey, what's wrong?"
"It's nothing."
"Nonsense. Something is wrong. Tell me. Did you 2 break up?"
A single, agonized tear forms on my bottom lashes and that's answer enough.
"Oh, you poor thing! Come here, honey!" Kyler envelopes me in his arms and squeezes me tight. "What happened?? You guys were so great together!"
"It's complicated."
"Come on. I'm your best friend. Tell me."
"Not here."
"Okay, then call me later."
I nod against his shoulder.
"Charlotte...? What's taking you - Oh Kyler! How are you, dear?" My mom exchanges a hug with Kyler. "What brings you to Queens?"
"I have a date."
"Oh, that's nice. Where is he? Is he here with you?"
"No, I was just on my way to his house. He lives in Queens. I was stopping to get some wine and ran into Charlotte."
"Oh! You must've heard the news then!"
"News?"
"Mom, please! Not -"
"Charlotte's pregnant!"
I face palm myself and Kyler's mortified expression says it all. His enormous bluish-grey eyes bore into me with complete and utter shock. "You're pregnant??"
"I - I really didn't wanna talk about it here..." My voice cracks. I shoot a "Thanks a lot," look at my mom and she returns a "Whoops, I'm sorry," look.
Kyler's expression softens. "Okay, we won't. Call me later, okay? We'll talk about it then."
I nod and the genuine concern in Kyler's eyes warms my decaying heart. He plants a soft kiss on my cheek. "Love ya, babe. Take care, okay?"
All I can manage is another nod and he takes off with a furrowed brow.
"I'm sorry, sweetie. It's just such good news, I -" My mom stops when she sees my head hung low once more. "Let's go home and make some dinner, okay?"
I nod glumly.