Red Bullets in June

Chapter 21: Can't Concentrate

A light tapping on my bedroom door coaxes my droopy eyes open. I glance at the clock. It's 8:00 AM. Tuesday, June 19, 2018. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I sit up in my scarlet blankets. "Who is it?"

"It's Jaxon..."

"It's open. Come in."

The handle turns and Jaxon cautiously steps into my bedroom. He's holding a tray of food with a resolving and apologetic look in his ebony eyes. "I made you breakfast, baby. French Toast. Your favorite."

My expression softens in an instant. "Oh Jaxon, that's so sweet of you. You can set it over here."

A relieved grin spreads across Jaxon's face, showcasing his adorable dimples. Gaining confidence, he closes the gap between us, sets the tray on my nightstand and sits next to me on the bed. He offers me the plate of French Toast and I take it graciously.

"Strawberries and whip cream too?" I marvel. "Wow, you went all out."

He nods. "I had to stop at the store to get those..."

"Jaxon," I lean forward to kiss his soft cheek. "Thank you."

He blushes and it's so adorable. He clears his throat. "I'm really sorry about last night, Charlotte... It's not that I don't want to sleep with you. I would love to sleep next to you, but... I don't know that you want to sleep next to me..."

"And why is that?"

"You were right."

"About what?"

"My nightmares. That's why you don't want to sleep with me..."

"I don't mind, Jaxon. Just tell me what they're about and I can try to comfort you."

"That's the thing, Charlotte. I'm afraid to tell you what they're about."

"Why? You can tell me anything."

Jaxon's ebony eyes strain with an unspoken horror. "I'm afraid you'll leave me if I do..."

"Jaxon," I set down my plate of French Toast, scoot closer to him and delicately cradle his tormented face. His flawlessly beautiful features are tarnished with dark thoughts and all I want to do is console him. "I would never leave you. I think I -" wrenching the reins toward me, I skid the hooves of my words to a brusque stop.

Those two words that were contemplating their compatibility recently - 'Jaxon' and 'love' - have resurfaced in my brain and this time they're laying down a foundation of cement in my amygdala.

Is it too soon to tell him?

That I think I love him?

"You think you what?" Jaxon prods at me.

Tell him! my heart sings with glee.

I don't know...

Do I love him?

Where's my better judgement when I need her?

Oh, that's right. I shot her and banished her to Limbo...

"Charlotte?"

"Nothing." I shake my con-fuddled thoughts. "I just want you to know that I'd never leave you, Jaxon. You mean the world to me."

"Really?"

I kiss his lips. "Really."

Jaxon's responding smile is so sweet and adorable with his cute dimples, I could just squeeze him like crazy. I want to tell him how cute he is, but I refrain.