•Unwritten•

Twenty Five

My eyes were burning from my tears as I sat on the chair, the light from outside lighting up Sam's face as he lay on the bed, still dead. I felt numb, all the sadness had passed and instead, replacing it was anger. I wanted to scream, and throw things but my catatonic mind just made me stare, blaming myself for what had happened. I think Dean blamed me too, Jake was running to kill me, he would've if Sam hadn't stepped in front of me. He hadn't said much to me, but I hadn't said much to him either, instead we just sat quietly, looking over at Sam. I couldn't imagine the heartache that Dean was feeling, I was upset but he must've been devastated and I didn't blame him for blaming me, it wasn't my fault directly, even amidst my crazy thoughts I could admit that but if I'd have killed Jake when I had the chance, Sam would be fine. He'd be awake, eating burgers with us, laughing with me or bickering with his brother. Instead, he led cold on the bed. I'd trade with him in a heartbeat.

Dean was holding a bottle of whiskey in his hands, he'd been chugging on it for the last half an hour, since Bobby had left. He looked over at me and for the first time since we'd gotten to the motel, he actually looked at me, not through me. He extended his arm over, handing me the whiskey which I took and swigged out of myself, not moving my eyes from Sam. I handed it back to him and we resumed our silence until the door unlocked and Bobby walked in, standing in the doorway with a bag of groceries.

"Guys, I bought you this back." Bobby said placing down a bucket of fried chicken.

"No, thanks. I'm fine." Dean and I said in unison.

"You need to eat something."

Dean clenched his jaw. "I said I'm fine."

Bobby sighed and placed the other bag down, looking over at Sam. "Dean... I hate to bring this up, I really do. But don't you think maybe it's time... we bury Sam?"

Dean scowled. "No."

"I want you to come with me." Bobby said placing his hand on Dean's shoulder but Dean stood up quickly pacing to the other side of the room.

"Dean, please." I was still staring at Sam as the two men continued to talk. "Would you cut me some slack?" Dean spoke.

"I just don't think you should be alone, that's all. I gotta admit, I could use your help."

Dean scoffed.

"Something big is going down – end-of-the world big."

Dean slammed his bottle down on the table. "THEN LET IT END!" His shouting made me flinch and Bobby's face turned into one of shock. "You don't mean that." Bobby said quietly and Dean bundled over to him, shouting in his face angrily. "You don't think so? Huh? You don't think I've given enough? You don't think I've paid enough? I'm done with it. All of it. And if you know what's good for you, you'd turn around, and get the hell out of here." Bobby just shook his head, Dean grabbed him by the collar and shoved him back, I stood up quickly and rushed over. "GO!"

I grabbed Dean's arm and he tensed before letting go of Bobby, realising what he had done. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please, just go."

Bobby nodded and backed out of the room. "You know where I'll be."

Bobby left and I shook my head, rubbing my temples slightly. Dean walked past me picking up the whiskey and taking a few more gulps, finishing the bottle. I knew better than to try and speak to him so I just returned to my chair.

"I'm sorry I did that." Dean muttered, it was the first time he'd spoken to me since Sam died. I looked over to him and just half nodded. "Do you want me to take you home?" He stood up and stumbled slightly before planting himself drunkly back in his seat.