Holding On

Chapter 32 - Our Future

Courtney's POV

Only two days have passed since I told Hunter about my pregnancy but I have been so caught up in my thoughts that I have hardly noticed. We have talked a little about it here and there, but I was still taking everything in and trying to think it all through. It was hard to believe that there was now a little human growing inside me. After dwelling on that though for a while, I finally think I know what I want. I just have to make sure that it's what Hunter wants too.

The morning sun came up and shone through the partially open curtains, drawing me out of my slumber. As I opened my eyes, I noticed how it slightly brightened Hunter's room, and I smiled as I felt his arms around my waist. Yawning, I gently twisted around in his arms so I could face him. My movements made him breathe in slightly and his embrace tighten a bit, but he stayed fast asleep. He looked so peaceful when he slept. It was completely different from the worry that I saw when he was awake.

I could tell that these last two days have been weighing on his mind just as much as they were on mine. He told me that he had consulted in John, that Alex didn't know anything about this, and that he was thinking this through, just like I was. He also said that he wanted to wait until he knew for sure what we were doing about this before he told Alex anything. I thought that was really sweet.

I rested my hand against his chest, listen to his heart beat and his gentle breathing. He would make a great father, but were we really ready to be parents? Was I really ready to be a mom? I sure don't feel like I am...

I'm not sure how long I laid there before Hunter began to stir, but I felt his chest rise and then felt a kiss on the top of my head. I shifted so I could see his face, blinking up at him with a small smile. "Morning," I whispered as he stretched his limbs slightly.

"Morning, Sweetheart," he answered with a yawn and a tired smile as he looked down at me. "Have you been awake for long?"

I shook my head. "Not too long. I was just thinking."

Gently, he drew me closer to him; enough to rest his chin on top of my head. "Is everything okay?" he asked and I could hear the concern in his voice. It made me smile, as I looked off at the bedroom wall, to hear the small signs that how much he cares about me hasn't changed at all.

"Yes, everything is fine," I said as I moved my arms around him. "I was just thinking that I believe I finally know what I want."

There was a pause before I heard his voice again, and his fingers brushed along the small sliver of skin that was showing along my waist. "Alright," he said softly. I could hear a mix of emotions in his voice. There was expectance, hesitation, curiosity, weariness, fear, longing, and a little excitement all at once. The sleep had melted away completely now. "What have you decided?"

I drew in a slight breath and moved my arms away from him so I could sit up slightly. I propped myself up on my elbows as I looked down at him. "I don't want to give the baby away," I said softly, watching his expression. "I know that this will take a lot of learning and adjusting because I am far from ready to be a mommy, but I think that it would hurt me more to see my child in another woman's arms, knowing that they will be the one's being called mommy."

I saw a smile creep across Hunter's lips as I talked, but it lessened a bit as I finished. Soon it was replaced by pressed lips and wrinkles on his forehead telling me he was deep in thought. Hesitation was clearly shown in his eyes, and I began to think that maybe he didn't want this child, but then I heard him speak. "I don't want to give this baby away either, but..." His voice trailed off.

I furrowed my eyebrows, shaking my head slightly. "But what?" I asked, wanting to know what was going on inside this man's thoughts. His eyes moved away from mine and his gaze rested gently on my stomach. Slowly and gingerly, his fingers moved to my stomach as well, his touch hesitant as if a single touch may hurt something.