Chester's POV
I knew that Grace wasn't pregnant yet, but it was so unbelievably hard to contain myself. I ruled out the thought of her possibly not being pregnant, and only imagined scenarios in which Grace was pregnant. I would often get lost in thought, picturing my girlfriend with a little bump that we had created.
My days were spent doing research, relaxing with Grace, and of course, trying to write songs and contain my excitement around my friends. We couldn't let anyone know at this point, because we weren't entirely sure about whether Grace was even pregnant or not, but I was pretty sure.
When one month was almost over, my excitement and joy was washed over with nail-biting fear, for now was the time when we might find out if we were successful. I had ignored the possibility of Grace not being pregnant throughout the month, and now it suddenly became a possibility in my mind.
I sat on the couch one day, whilst Grace was in the bathroom with the pregnancy test we had just bought. Nervously, Goose and I battled it out with one of her toys to ease my mind. When Grace walked into the room, my head swivelled towards her.
"It didn't work." She clasped her hands together and bit her lip, anxiously watching me for a response.
"Oh, that's fine. It's probably because your hormones are imbalanced or something." I was in denial. "I'm sure you're pregnant, sometimes the tests get it wrong so early on, you know?"
"That's definitely not the case here." Grace paused. "I'm on my period."
"Oh" I sighed, feeling crushed, "We can try again. My sister took ages to get pregnant with McKenna." I smiled through my disappointment and gently pulled Grace into my arms.
"Yeah." She murmured into my shoulder
I held her, so that she wouldn't move and see how upset I really was. I was so sure that she was pregnant. I guess I shouldn't have let myself get so excited, because it had made me feel worse than ever. Despite all my sadness, a flame of hope still flickered in my mind, and kept me from falling into any deep and dark emotions that I couldn't handle.
Grace's POV
I felt like a terrible person. Not because I wasn't pregnant, but because I was relieved that I wasn't pregnant. When I found out, I immediately felt light and care-free again, but this made me feel bad, because Chester was so struck by sadness and disappointment, yet I was glad. His body was tense, and this indicated that he really wasn't okay with the news.
I didn't expect Chester to take this so badly, nor did I expect him to suggest that we try again so soon. My reluctancy was frightening and I was scared it might ruin my chances at making him happy. I knew how much this meant to him, and I was going to do it, no matter what. Even if it meant I would never feel light and care-free again.
Chester and I were going to keep trying, because he was worth it.
Chester POV
Months of failed attempts at having a baby went by. The possibility of never being able to have a baby became less impossible everyday. Grace was worn and tired of trying and trying and never getting any positive results. I was becoming a tired and upset version of myself. I felt betrayed by myself and Grace, because we kept trying but couldn't have a baby and had no idea what was wrong with us.
One evening, after I had been writing songs all day, Grace arrived home from a meeting with her publisher. I heard her pull her car into the driveway, open the front door and go to the kitchen. I expected to here her friendly call as she usually did, but that evening, there was silence. After a few moments of silence, when I had stopped playing piano and listened for Grace, suspecting that something might be wrong, the silence was broken. Soft sobbing noises echoed through the house and alerted Goose and I.
I ran into the kitchen, with Goose hot on my heels, to find Grace with her head in her hands, her back shaking as she quietly cried. I wrapped my arm around her and gently rubbed her back.
"Hey, what's happening, Grace?" I spoke softly and delicately kissed the hand which covered her face.
"W-what's wrong with me?" She whispered in-between her quick breathing and falling tears.
"What do you mean?" I was shocked. "Gracie, you're perfect."
"Well then why c-cant I get p-pregnant?" She was hysterical by this point.
I didn't know the answer so I stayed silent and focused all my attention on protecting and comforting her.
"Look, I think we should go down to the doctor and find out if something is wrong." I fearfully admitted. "I didn't think we'd have to do this, but something might be wrong and it needs to be done." Tears grew in my own eyes now.
Grace was slowly calming down and lifted her head. Her dark brown eyes were round like saucers and her eyelashes were wet from crying. She was beautiful, no matter what. She had a look of agreement in her eyes.
That evening, when I lay in bed, I heard Grace on the phone. From the little bits of the conversation I heard, she was booking a doctor's appointment.
Grace sauntered into the room in her t-shirt and pyjama shorts. She looked afraid, like a little girl. I moved the covers aside for her and she climbed into bed and looked at me with deer-like eyes. I ran my hands through her hair, in attempt to soothe myself and her, and she closed her eyes. Our legs instinctively intertwined, as if we were ropes that couldn't be untied.
"You'll come with me tomorrow?" She opened her eyes and her eyelashes fanned out. She knew that I had listened to the conversation.
"Of course." I squeezed her hand. "I'll always be there for you." Grace gave a sad little smile in response and reached out to switch off the light. She fell asleep almost instantly, leaving me alone with horrific thoughts and fears about our potential child.
Why is this happening to us?
