Grace's POV
Fuck. As fertile as a woman in her late 40's to 50's? I could understand Chester's frustration.
One hour later, he was still in our room. What he was doing, I was unsure of, but I decided that he needed some space. I curled up on the couch and Goose provided a warm, familiar feeling, by sitting at my feet and occasionally grunting.
I fiddled with my hands like I usually did when I was upset. I wasn't really upset about what had happened at the doctor's office. I was upset because I was worried about Chester. He really wanted to have kids, and now I couldn't even do that for him. I knew it wasn't my fault, but the whole incident made me feel guilty, because I had let Chester down.
Occasionally, I could hear muffled sobs from the room, but I didn't dare to go in. I couldn't face him, knowing that I was the cause of his unhappiness. I didn't have the guts to do it.
Thankfully, a soft ping from my phone swooped in to divert my attention from Chester's crying. I unlocked my phone with haste and was pleased to see a message from Mamrie.
Mamrie: Long time, no smell, Helbig. You up for shooting a YDAD with Hannah and I?
The message couldn't have come sooner. I needed to get out of the house. Out of the house and away from the sorrow.
I replied almost instantly.
Grace: I'll be there. What time?
Mamrie: Soon as you can get here :)
Grace: Sounds great. Smell you later xX
It was as if a wave of relief washed over me in the form of friendship. Finally, friends who I could talk to about this whole situation and just have them listen and understand me. I couldn't think of anyone else in the world who I'd rather talk about this with.
I felt a little bad, leaving Chester so vulnerable and sad, but I had needs too . I found a little stack of post-its on the kitchen counter. I wrote him a little note, telling him I had just gone to film a YDAD and would be back within a few hours.
Regardless of my guilty gut feeling, I grabbed my phone and headed over to Mamrie's house. It was just my luck that the traffic was back to back. After an hour of frustrating bumper to bumper traffic jams, I arrived at Mamrie's house, slightly frazzled, but still there.
In the lounge, Hannah and Mamrie were seated with an array of bottles, a camera and some classic chips and dip. That was exactly why they were my friends.
"Woah, you decided to show up!" Hannah mocked me and I jokingly waved her away with my hands.
"Trust Helbig to be late." Mamrie smiled.
"Well, at least I know you guys missed me." I flopped down on the couch beside them.
"Okay! Let's get it together, ladies. Puns are in my book," Mamrie waved her trusty little book, which was basically her brain on paper. "Show time."
A large amount of jokes, a significant amount of alcohol and lots of laughter later, we finished off with Mamrie's trademark ending.
"And drink every time I make a terrible Holy Trinity pun!" Hannah and I mimicked her in the background, rolling her eyes and mouthing the words like clock work. Little things like this made me feel secure, because they were always consistent and I didn't have to worry about them spiralling out of control and changing my life.
"Great job, girls." Mamrie was grinning from ear to ear as she reached out to cheers. We clinked our shot glasses together and downed them, but didn't have any more, because Hannah and I still needed to get home.
"So how have you guys been lately? We haven't had a reunion in ages!" Hannah pulled a face at the strength of the drink.
"Not much actually. Just everyday stuff, you know?" Mamrie welcomed an enthusiastic Beanz onto her lap. "What about you, Smellbig?"
I smiled and gave a little sigh at the silly nickname. "Nothing really.." My voice trailed and I looked up, staring back into the skeptical faces of my friends. They kept staring at me. "Okay, fine. You know how Chester really wants a baby?" Two nods. "Well, today we found out that I'm really infertile, so he's pretty upset about it. Hasn't been out of the room since we got home." I shuffled my feet uncomfortably.
"But isn't that a good thing? I thought you didn't want any kids?" Hannah scratched at her head in a puzzled fashion.
"Maybe I thought wrong.. I mean, at first, I thought I was doing it just for Chester, but I guess overtime, I came to terms with the idea of having a kid.." I looked up at their compassionate faces. I couldn't have possibly asked for better friends. A little smile crept up on my face.
"You know what I said last time. I said it would be a good idea to adopt, and now I'm going to bring it up again, because I really think it might work." Mamrie stated in an I-told-you-so fashion, but I knew she had nothing but good intentions. I shrugged.
Hannah could sense the tension and quickly changed the subject. "Speaking of adoption, my adopted child, Ollie, is the best thing in the world." Mamrie and I laughed.
"Last time I checked, children don't pee outside and eat from dog bowls, Hannah!" Mamrie pushed Hannah's shoulder.
"What a fucked up childhood." I joked and Hannah stuck her tongue out at us.
Soon enough, I was back at the house and Chester was still cooped up in our bedroom. The house was deathly silent until Goose came storming at me and jumped at my legs. She gave a long lonely whine. Poor dog didn't understand what was going on.
"Hey Goosie." I lovingly scratched her head and she wagged her tail in delight. I filled her food bowl and she lost interest in me, giving me time to see Chester.
I walked up to our bedroom and knocked on the door. No answer. I knocked again and heard slight movement, but still no answer and no attempt to open the door.
"Ches, please open the door." I pleaded and finally broke through. My boyfriend looked that a ghost of his former self. His eyes were red and swollen from crying and his nose was running. I instantly leaped and pulled him into arms and rubbed circles into his back.
"Don't cry. I know you're upset about this, but it'll be okay." I spoke in a soothing and slow tone. He seemed to be relaxing in my arms. "I'm really sorry about this. I feel like it's my fault that you feel like this and I wish I could prevent it."
"Grace, it's not your fault. Don't blame yourself. This isn't anyone's fault. I'm just a bit down in the dumps because I really want kids and now we can't have them." It was weird to hear Chester speak, but I was relieved, because I didn't have anymore comforting words.
"You know, you look like a mess." I allowed a small giggle and I could feel Chester smiling into my shoulder. Success! I had evoked some sort of positive emotion from him.
Later that evening, I watched Chester who was dead asleep, next to me in bed, with his arm draped over my torso. I couldn't help but feel comforted by his touch. I double checked to make sure he was asleep as I opened up my laptop very carefully, avoiding his arm.
I opened up a new Google tab as a thought came to my head. My fingers typed as thought they weren't connected to my brain. As if they had a message for me.
That crazy word that Mamrie had brought up. One that seemed ridiculous, but had become a word that could help Chester and I.
I tapped slowly. One letter at a time. A. D. O. P. T. I. O. N.
