Just Friends

Part 1: When things were fine

"Hey Dan!" Came Phil's voice from across the flat. "Come here for a sec."

I sighed and got up from my sofa crease. I walked into his room. "What's up?"

I knew I was staring, but he just looked gorgeous today. He was wearing his glasses and a mint button up shirt.

He gave me an odd look. "Is something the matter Dan?"

I coughed. "Fuck... sorry. No I'm fine."

"Alright." He said turning his gaze back to the camera. "I just need some help for a video."

"Okay sure." I replied.

"So I need you to whisper in my ear 'your mum', okay?"

I laughed, "Yeah."

I sat down on his bed. Phil checked his fringe quickly.

"Your face isn't going to be seen just your lips so keep that in mind." God I could listen to that voice forever. What the fuck Dan. Where did that come from?"

I nodded. "I just say 'your mum.'"

"Yeah okay."

I leaned in close to his ear. I started blushing and I didn't know why. I had been in loads of Phil's videos before. "Your mum." I whispered.

"Okay thanks Dan. That should work." He looked at me. "Why are you so red? Is something wrong?"

I tried to act casual, but ended up falling off of his bed. "No I'm fine. Need anything else?"

"No, thanks though" Phil replied and turned back to the camera.

I walked to my room, feeling confused. I felt nauseous. Why did I keep thinking about Phil like that? I sat down on the piano bench. My hands were shaking. "What the fuck body?" I asked myself. I started playing. It helped calm me down sometimes. As I played my thoughts kept going back to Phil. The way his hair looks when it's quiffed, his smell, everything about him that I loved.

Whoa Dan. That's weird. Sounds like you're gay to be honest.

What if I was gay? What if I was in love with Phil? I thought about it. That would explain a lot of things.

I'm gay. I repeated that over and over in my head. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay.

"Oh my god" I said to my empty room. "I'm gay" I burst into tears. I curled up in my duvet. You dumb fag. Why don't you just die. No one will love you if you tell them. You shouldn't have even been born you little homosexual piece of shit. My thoughts attacked me like a thousand knives.

The door smacked open. "Hey Dan do you want to get Chinese or... oh my god Dan! What's wrong?" He sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Phil.... Phil I'm.... Phil.....umm...." I started sobbing again.

He cautiously put an arm around my shaking shoulders. When I didn't protest he pulled me close to him. I could smell his aftershave and I felt safe with him.

"What a wrong Danny?" He said softly, stroking my hair.

"Phil..." I took a deep breath. "I'm....I'm gay Phil" I winced for what I knew would follow.

"...Dan. That's amazing! I'm so proud of you. I don't know why you were scared to tell me. I'm your best friend I support you in everything that doesn't hurt you."

I smiled. Phil wiped away my tears tenderly. "I'll always be here for you Dan"