Just Friends

Part 12: When he's different

The sky rumbled with pent up energy. It let loose in a freezing downpour. The rain hammered against the hospital windows like a wanderer seeking shelter. I generally loved rain, but this rain was different. It seemed malevolent towards me and laughed at my suffering. I turned away from it. The thunder screamed at me to turn around, but I ignored it.

Phil had opened his eyes for the first time in almost twenty four hours. He blinked sleepily. He looked confused. "Dan?"

I took his hand. "Hi Phil. How are you feeling?"

He shook my hand off.

I looked at him confused. "Phil?"

He started ripping out IVs and other cables. "I WANTED TO FUCKING DIE DAN."

I backed away. Phil never screamed, especially at me. He knew I had gotten enough of that from my parents. I ran down the corridor blindly. Tears blurred my vision. Why was he being such a dick?

Louise had already left, so I had no one to sit with. I sat in the waiting room. I felt more alone then I had in a long time. Because no matter what, I had always had Phil. Now I was alone. I put my head down in my hands and sobbed.

He was wrong. I knew him too well. He didn't want to die. He just wanted the pain to stop. Those were different things.

A nurse sat down next to me. "Hey. You're Phillip Lester's relative, right?"

I nodded sadly. "Sure."

"He's been doing better. We got him quiet now. You should be able to take him home in a few days. He's going to need to see a therapist though. I can recommend a few if you'd like."

I nodded dismally. "Can I see him?"

"Yes, he's asleep right now. But you can see him."

I walked calmly back down the intersecting corridors. I stopped in front of Phil's door and took a deep breath.

He was sleeping peacefully, or as peacefully as you can sleep when you're in a noisy hospital hooked up to a billion different drugs. I sat down beside him. I felt awkwardly distant. I fixed my fringe, it was an old habit from whenever I was anxious. I rested my hand on top of his.

"I would rather you forgot me again, than hate me." I muttered quietly.

I stood up. I was exhausted. I had been up all night with Phil. Now Phil was.......Phil was different. The Phil I had known never yelled. He had never wanted to die. He had never tried to leave me.

He loved me.

I didn't know about this Phil.