Just Friends

Part 16: When I try to leave

I sent a text to PJ. "You still up for being flatmates?"

A few seconds later my phone buzzed. "Hell yeah. Come on over whenever."

"I'm coming now, ok?"

"Yeah sure. Chris is here."

I had dropped Louise off at her house and was on the way to PJ's. I was going to get ripped with all this walking. It cleared my head and was cheaper than a cab so I didn't even mind. I got lost in my thoughts and found myself in front PJ's house.

I let myself in with a key that PJ had given me for emergencies. I wandered into the quiet house. "PJ?"

"Oh hey Dan!" Chris said. He enveloped me in a bone crushing hug. "PJ's in the kitchen."

I walked towards the kitchen. "PJ?"

"Hey." Said PJ quietly. "Man you look like a wreck."

"Yep." I said awkwardly. I left after a moment to go set my stuff down in my new room. It was a little smaller than I remembered. I didn't unpack. I left for the bathroom. I took the plastic bag out of my pocket. I removed my razor. I sat down on the side of the tub. My cheeks were wet in seconds. Phil didn't want me. Six red lines appeared on my thighs. Just friends. Six more. I sobbed quietly. I curled up in the corner of the bathroom and just sobbed violently. I tried not to make any noise, since I was a guest in PJ's house. We didn't even live together anymore. Six more lines.

"Dan are you okay?" Came PJ's voice from the other side of the door.

I looked around. I was sitting in a pool of my own blood and tears. I don't think that was something that happened to people who were okay. "Oh yeah. I'm fine." My voice sounded higher than normal and strange. I got up to clean up the blood. I was so dizzy. So dizzy. I leaned against the sink.

"Are you sure? You sound weird." PJ asked. He sounded concerned.

There was so much blood on the floor. I felt so dizzy. I hit the tile floor with a crash.

I could hear PJ as though I was underwater. He was screaming. I think he broke down the door. I passed out.

Three days later

The first thing I remember was the light. The sterile lighting filtered through my eyelids. I felt so tired. I felt like I had been kissed my a dementor. Like almost all of my soul had drained out. It took a tremendous effort to open my eyes. I blinked and looked around. I was greeted with a full hospital room.

"HE'S AWAKE!" Screamed PJ.

I tried to speak but I was so exhausted. I looked around the room. My mum and dad were there. PJ and Chris were stuffed into a corner. Louise and Darcy were sitting in a chair next to me. I knew just from the smell in the room that Phil was the one who was holding my hand and crying.