Just Friends

Part 20: When I try to drown my tears

I opened the door to the flat quietly. It was four am. My vision was blurry. I had tried to drown my sadness in vodka again. I stumbled up the stairs. A anxious looking Phil ran out of his room.

"Dan?" He said in angrily. "Where the hell have you been?" He took a closer look at me. "Have you been drinking?"

"Yea. So much vodka. It's so I don't feel de sadness. I still feel it Philly. I still feel it." I slurred sadly.

He looked worried. "Why were you sad Dan? Did I do something?" He sat me down on the couch.

"Oh yea Phil. You did all the things. You raelly fucked me up. You make me feel all the sadness." I felt nauseous.

"What did I do?"

I pointed at him drunkenly. His face was spinning. "You done going to marry that bitch. I hate bitch. She maekes me sad."

"Cher? You've never said anything about her before. You hate her? I'm so confused Dan."

I counted my fingers. "I hate bitch vryvery much. She has you. That makes me sho sad. I drown in my thoughts."

Phil sighed. I think he understood. Wait wasn't the bitch supposed to be here?

"Whaer is bitch?" I slurred.

He stared at the wall sadly. "She was cheating on me."

"Oooooohhh. I kill. I kill bitch. She hurt my Philly. I kill." I grabbed a knife but Phil wrestled it from me.

He picked me up and I giggled. He sat me down in a bed and I passed out almost immediately.

I awoke to a pounding headache. I groaned and rolled over. I squinted through mostly closed lids. I was in Phil's room. I sat up quickly and was greeted with a sharp deep pain in my temple. I had the aftertaste of alcohol and an unfamiliar tongue in my mouth

"Oww ow God. That hurts." Phil rolled over next to me.

"Are you back to normal?" He asked sleepily.

"Mate I don't even know what happened last night. Did I black out or something?" The memories came flooding back. I had made out with a few guys at the bar. I had come home and had an interesting conversation with Phil. "Was she really cheating on you?"

He winced and opened his eyes. "Yeah. Why did you hate her so much?"

I thought for a moment. "I have two answers for you. You can choose  either. I can tell you an easy lie that will make our lives easier or I can tell you the truth and fuck everything up. Which one?"

He sat up beside me. "I want the truth."

My stomach twisted and I knew it wasn't because of my hangover. I didn't look him at him when I said. "I still love you. I never stopped. I wish I could, but I can't. I can't forget you. I can't forget any of it. I love you. I can't stop, it's like a bad habit that I can't quit." I paused. "I'm sorry, can you just forget about this?"

He turned my head to look at him. My anxiety fluttered in the pit of my stomach. "Is that really what you want Dan? You want me to forget?" His lips were dangerously close to mine.

"No." I replied and leaned forward.