Just Friends

Part 28: When I run too far

I didn't want to go.

Phil's firm grip on my hand was the only thing that kept me from turning around. I wanted to run. Run and keep running. Run far away from here. I knew where we were going and I wasn't ready yet.

We walked past rows of tombstones. Panic rose in my throat. I couldn't do this. It was too soon.

I tried to pull away from Phil. He gritted his teeth. "Dan we have to eventually. Why not now? It's been months."

I felt my eyes fill with hot angry tears. "I can't. Don't you understand? I can't. I can't even say their names. I can't do this. I'm sorry." I jerked away from him and started running.

He didn't run after me.

The graveyard was blurred with my tears. I kept running. I didn't even know why I was crying. I should have been able to say their names, to see their names scratched in stone, to think about them. But I couldn't. The wind bit into my flesh. I was more upset with myself than with Phil.

My phone rang loudly. "Where are you?" Said a worried Phil Lester.

I looked around. Snow was starting to fall and smother the ground. I pulled my coat tighter around me. "I don't know." I choked out. "Can you come get me?" I asked softly.

"What street are you on?"

"Elm." I sniffled.

"Okay I'm on my way." He hung up.

I sat down against a building. This street was pretty secluded. The concrete was cold against my ass. I wished I had a blanket or a cup of hot chocolate. I shivered. Where was Phil? It wasn't that far from the graveyard.

I checked my phone. It had been twenty minutes. Where was he? I stood up and dusted the snow off. Phil wasn't coming. What a dick.

I took out my phone. I dialed his number.

No answer.

What the fuck? Did something happen? My breath caught in the back of my throat. What if Phil slipped and hit his head on a rock? What if he got mugged? I started running. I had to find him.

What if. What if. My head swirled with intrusive thoughts. I couldn't lose him too. He was all I had left.

"Dan?" Screamed a voice through the driving snow. Phil.

I ran to him, slipping through the icy streets. I saw him. He looked terrified. I ran into his arms. He clutched at me desperately. "Don't ever leave me again." He breathed into my hair.

"Never." I said without even thinking.

I hugged him tightly. I was so scared for him. He was my world. My everything. The only one I had left. Just to think for a second that I wouldn't have him scared the shit out of me.

"I love you." He panted. I knew he must have thought the same things.

"I love you too." I replied softly. "So much."

He kissed me desperately. I kissed him back. I loved him so fucking much. He pulled away and took my hand. "You ready to go home?"