Finding My Alpha {Book 1}

Are we okay?

Ray's P.O.V.

I woke up first. Her heartbeat was slow and steady. She was still asleep. I blew it. Everything is over. She's gonna hate me. Maybe she forgot what happened yesterday. But i know she didn't....

My mind flashed to last night where we were cradling each other while our tears fell freely. I've never cried before. Well excluding when i was a child. I always grit my teeth and go through my urge to cry. This was the first time I've cried in years and that too infront of a person.

But if she's that person. I'd cry any day with her or for her. The way her small fingers were cold and frail as they wiped my tears away i knew.... that she will be there for me. To take my pain away. I had to come home. I had to come to her. Because she was home.

I felt her stir next to me. Her eyes opened. They were red and her hair was a mess. I don't care. I'd love her anyway, she was so beautiful to me. I wanted to kiss her but i know she wanted her space and she needed her answers. I had to come clean.

She streched her arms and faced me her eyes open. She got up silently. I was hurt but I know i deserved that. The bathroom door closed and about ten minutes later she came out her face washed and her hair in a bun but her eyes. They were redder. She had been crying. I could hear her soft stifles even from where i was sitting. Well for one i am a werewolf so my ears are able to pick up even the softest of sounds.

She sat on the bed. "Explain" she said. Her voice cracked.

She was calm. Too calm. I didn't like this. I wanted it to be like yesterday, her in my arms. We could silently put our past behind us. But i can't do that to her. She had to know.

"I-i don't know where to start from." I said clearing my throat.

"How about why you asked everyone to not tell me about werewolves!" She snapped. I knew she was going to cry.

"How did you know that?" I asked my anger evident.

"It doesn't matter. I bet if i didn't know you would have never told me right?" She shot back sarcastically.

A tear escaped her eyes. Before i could wipe it away her hands quickly reached to wipe it away.

"I'll start with when we were kids." I said. Her eyes indicated i should go on.

I swolled hard. My adam's apple probably bobbing up and down. "Your dad didn't abandon you..."

I told her everything. Her father protecting our pack. Her mother wanting her to grow up safe. Me being the alpha and that she was my mate. How that wolf in her childhood was actually my cousin's wolf form. How she was scared of werewolves and so i was afraid to tell her about werewolves. How i didn't want to lose her. Why i didn't want her to hang around my friends so that she'll never know. I was out of breath by the time i was done.

"Why do you leave when you get messages on your phone?" She asked curious. That's what she wanted to ask me after everything i had said? I raised my eyebrow.

"Is there..another girl? I know I'm not the perfect girlfriend but.." she rambled.

I didn't let her finish. I crashed my lips against her. I've been wanting to do that since yesterday. She kissed me back with just as much as passion. She was afraid.

"No one could be you. You are the only one for me. We are mates. I can't live without you." i explained.

She noded in somewhat understanding.

"I had pack meetings and business stuff to attend to. When I'm with you i block my mindlink. Mind link is when i can hear my pack members without even seeing them. It's like i can hear them in my head.. I'll explain later...Anyways they text me to let me know when i have to work. I would never ever see another girl. Not even close. You are the only one." I said looking at her brown eyes. They gleamed with relief and happiness.

I kissed her again. "Are we okay?" I asked her.

"Honetly i don't know Ray. I don't know." She said just above a whisper.

"We have to be....you have to be... you don't know it yet but you will.. i can't be without you." I said looking at her eyes.

Her hands cupped my cheeks. "Ray this is all so...new.. so overwhelming for me. I want to be with you i swear."

My heart swelled. She said she wants to. But why can't she?

"I need some time." She muttered.

"Hmm" i noded. I didn't understand really. I just hoped she would fall into my arms and i will never let her go. But no, she didn't fall for me. She didn't swoon. She stayed far from me.

She got up and walked to the living room. I sat stranded on the bed. It felt cold and lonely. There's so much about werewolves that she doesn't know so much to learn....

It's too much to say in one day. She said she needs her space. This the hardest thing I've had to do. I don't want to be away from her. No matter how selfish it sounds i want her. I need her.

I burried my face in my hands and groaned. Why does it have to be so hard? I want to cradle her in my arms and i want her to tell me it'll be okay. That we'll be okay.

But we're both far from okay. I can see it in her eyes that she looks broken. Even if we were lying on the same bed it felt so lonely.

Okay. So woah all the emotions. This chapter is shorter though but i think it has a lot to say about how Mimi reacts after she finds out about Ray. Hope you enjoyed it !