Have We Gone Too Far? [Slash]

Chapter 12

Chapter 12 – (Cole’s Point Of View)

 

  I can’t believe I let him run away from me again, even after he told me that he wants me. Why do I keep hurting him so much? He must think I’m some sort of monster. I let him runaway in tears. What will his parents say? Oh God, what if he tells them about me? I’ll lose everything. I’ve worked my whole life for this job and I’m not going to risk all those years of hard work for something like this; no matter how much I want to. But, if I did get with him again, what sort of person would I be? A paedophile? A registered sex offender? I couldn’t live with that kind of label on me. I’m not that kind of guy.

  I shouted after him as he ran, but he either didn’t hear me or was ignoring me, either way I can’t really blame him. This is my fault; not his. Why should he have to suffer because of me?

  “Zack!” I yelled.

  Maybe he just can’t hear me; he’s not that good at ignoring people so he would have at least slowed down if he could hear me shouting. Unless he meant what he said earlier. He hates me!

  I started the engine on my car and started driving towards the address he gave me.

  “Cropwell Drive,” I said over and over again to make sure I didn’t forget.

  He needs an apology and I need to explain all of this to him. I’ve got to make him understand. I really like him, but being with him will make me someone I despise. He’ll be able to forgive me for that, won’t he? Who am I kidding? I'm being so selfish, and like he said I have no idea how hard this is for him if I go and see him, I might just make things worse.

  What am I meant to do? If I go and see him I might be hurting him as well as myself. If I don’t I’ll still be hurting him. Why are things so complicated?

  I took a deep breath to try and steady my thoughts. What would Mr. Sanders do?

  I know I am Mr. Sanders, but to me he’s my alter ego as well. He always knows what to do and he can cope with extra pressures, unlike Cole.

  What will Zacky be doing now? He’s just been turned down. How would he react? Think Cole think! Crap! He’ll hit the bottle. Mr. Baker said he caught him drinking so he’s bound to try and drink his problems away. What have I done?

  Okay, okay. When the drink fails, what’ll he do next? Does he smoke? Think!

  “Yellow nails,” I sighed remembering his hands when he was fidgeting with them earlier.

  He wouldn’t do anything else would he? Come on, think, use that head of yours. 

  I pressed my foot firmly against the accelerator, remembering the night I met him. When I saw him without his clothes on I instantly noticed he was covered in cuts and bruises. Was he self harming? I don’t know, but if he was I need to find his house before he does something really really stupid.

  As I pulled into Cropwell Drive I started panicking. I don’t know which number it is. Think!

  I parked my car on the curb and jumped out and started knocking on random houses.

  “Excuse me, does Zack Mondale live here?”

  “No, I'm sorry.”

  “Do you know which house it is?”

  “Number 23, it’s the one on the right towards the bottom of the hill.”

  “Thanks you so much,” I said gratefully but still in a panicked state.