Careful (Troyler)

Nineteen: Friends With Benefits?

~Tyler's POV~

Hey Tilly, we need to talk. -BLUE

Oh, sure thing boo. Everything alright?-Ty

Although I seem completely chill when he sent me that, I was the exact opposite. I'm in the US, but still on that flight. This is the first time he's texted me since I left Paris. I'm really nervous as to what we're going to talk about.

I can't do this, Tyler.-BLUE

Do what? Are you okay?-Ty

Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just too attached. It's not healthy. I love you, & I'm pretty sure you love me, but I can't be your boyfriend. -BLUE

I sit down my phone on the mini table attached to the seat, placing my face with my hands. He has to be joking. He knows I love him. Why can't he be my boyfriend? I think it's cute that he's so attached, & I'm just as attached to him. I don't get it. I eventually decide to text back the only word that's flowing through my thoughts.

Why?-Ty

Tyler, you know me & my anxiety. I either want too much distance or too much comfort. Now is when I want too much comfort, & our schedules are always going to get more packed, & we're going to be thousands of miles away from each other. This is tearing me apart, which seems cliche and stupid to say, but it's true. I do love you so much. We can still say that-I just don't want that label. So I don't get so-attached.-BLUE

I put my phone down yet again, allowing the tears to fall. I don't understand. I thought he was the one that had a crush on me to begin with...? Now he's got me falling for him, & he's ending it? Was it all fake just to hurt me? My fingers shakily type my thoughts.

So, you're just going to leave me like this? Get me attached as I've ever been, & say you don't want me anymore? I understand you're reasoning, but we're both strong, we can work it out. -Ty

I know we could. But I just don't know, Tilly. I don't want to leave you, my heart is screaming for me not to, but my brain is telling me I have to do this. It's over, Tyler. Not forever, just temporarily.-BLUE

I begin crying even harder, doing my best to muffle my sobs but failing miserable. I attract the attention of a few other passengers, but I don't care. I don't understand what came over him. Is he falling for someone else, but not wanting to admit it? Is he afraid of commitment? I've heard all these scenarios before, so this isn't news to me.

Troye, please-Ty

I type before I even think, begging him not to leave me.

The lyrics to Youth really explain my emotions. I love you so much, it's naïve. A childlike love; you're my first true love, that's why I'm falling so hard; too hard. But this will be healthy for both of us. We will hopefully get back together soon, considering my tour isn't really all that long. I love you, talk to you soon. -BLUE

I don't respond, tossing my phone in my tote. I need him. He can't leave me like this. I mean, it makes sense, everything he's saying is so true. He's just doing what's healthy for both of us, but damn this hurts. 😓

~Troye's POV~

Tears stream down my cheeks quicker by the minute. I just broke up with Tyler Oakley for no other reason than that I am too attached. Our schedules are so different, & I realized after much thought it would be hard to maintain a relationship; at least until our schedules calmed down. But as for now, I am single yet again, & I'm already longing Tyler's lips on mine. But, he's thousands of miles away from me yet again, & I'm emotionally breaking apart. Surprisingly, my jumbled up thoughts became a beautifully written soliloquy in texts. Tyler begged me to stay, breaking my heart even more. My mind was telling me I was doing the right thing, while my heart was screaming awful curses at me, telling me I'm losing the best thing I've ever had. Which is true, but I'm hopefully going to get him back in a few months. As soon as I close my eyes, my phone vibrates, telling me that Tyler finally texted back.