Dear Diary: My Last 100 Days

Day 58

Dear Diary,
Eddie knows.... Telling him didn't go exactly how I planned..

After picking me up we went to the look out. I was silent in the car as I stared out of the window. My hands were shaking in my lap. I could feel tears brimming my eyes.

Parking up he got out and I followed him. We sat on the large rock staring out into the distance. The wind was blowing against my face, drying my tears.

'What's the matter Annabel?' He asked pulling my face into his hands.

I broke down 'I'm sorry Eddie'

He looked puzzled but still pulled me into his arms smoothing my head as he tried to stop me crying. I only cried harder.

'I'm so so sorry'

'What the matter? You have nothing to be sorry for'

He pulled my face up to look at him. Using his thumbs he wiped away my tears. He stared into my eyes.

'I like you'

I wanted to smile, I wanted laugh and kiss him. I wanted to be happy about it! The guy I liked, liked me back! If I was anyone else I would've done so. But I'm me.

Shaking my head I told him no 'No Eddie you can't like me!'

'Yes I can' my heart soared as he pulled me closer. Fireworks erupted in my head as his lips landed on mine. My first kiss. I was so happy stuck in the moment until I realised that he wouldn't have done that if he knew. So I pulled back.

He looked hurt, I didn't like seeing that look on him. 'Annabel it doesn't change anything! We can stay friends, you
Don't have to feel the same way but don't tell me I can't like you! Because it's to late for that! I'm starting to fall in love with you!'

'No'

'Why!? Why can't I? Give me a good reason!' He shouted.

I was heartbroken.... 'Because Eddie I'm dying... And I don't wanna hurt you. 59 days, I have 58 more days after today'

The way he stared at me broke my heart even more it was like I was a stranger to him. He pulled away from me like He could catch something. He was in shock.

That was how I left him. I turned and ran. I ran so hard. Everything was a blur. I didn't stop until I got home.

I ran up the stairs into my bedroom locking the door behind me. I landed on my bed were I continued to cry my heart out that whole night until I cried myself to sleep.

My eyes where swollen and red when I woke up this morning. But I still continued to cry until there was not a drop left in me. It hurt so much.

Mom knocked on the door to check on me. I opened it up and allowed myself to cry in her arms.

I spent the whole day in my room. I didn't want to go to school on Monday. I thought I could handle it when Eddie chose that he didn't want to know me anymore. But it hurt, it hurt so bad. It was the worse pain I had ever felt.

It hurt more than when I was awake the whole night with pain in my stomach.

It hurt more than when I was in the hospital with tubes down my throat.

It hurt more than spewing up blood.

It hurt more than when I found out I was dying.

Cause in this moment. My heart was slowing dying in me.

Love,
Annabel