The Program

Chapter 10

PART 2/2

Erza Fernandes

I looked through my suitcase, trying to find a jacket to go out with but there was nothing of the sort inside.

Great. Just great. Why can't I ever get what I want just for once?

I roughly zipped my suitcase back up, putting it back next to my bed before I strolled out of my dorm and out of the dormitory. Instantly, I could feel the chilly air slap against my warm skin; giving me goosebumps.

Gazing up at the dark sky, tiny drops of snow fell from the clouds. I reached my hand out, watching as a icy flake fell into my palm. I immediately dropped it due to it's coldness.

I could hear the chattering and loud music playing from the auditorium, making my head turn to peer in the direction of the building. The colorful lights illuminated the campus completely, giving it a pleasing look.

I slowly walked over to the auditorium building, sitting down near the entrance. It was freezing, but I didn't care at this point. 

I don't want to go inside. Jellal is in there.

Curling up into a ball, I stared up at the well-decorated Christmas tree that stood in the middle of the courtyard.

Jellal..

It's selfish to want someone this much.

I could feel the tears developing in my eyes, but I held them in. There was a lump in my throat, my face felt like it was burning, and my chest began to hurt.

But I can't help it.

I want him so badly that it hurts.

I wrapped my arms around my legs, tightening my grip for warmth.

I feel so miserable and hopeless. How I become like this is now a distant memory. It happened years ago, but yet it's like the pain will never go away. Back then I was 15, but now I'm 17. Two years. 

Yet nothing changed.

I closed my eyes, a flashback from the past appearing in my mind.

''Mom,'' I called her, my voice cracking. ''You can't be serious. Please, tell me you're joking.'' The tears fell down my cheeks, a small smile appearing on my face in hope that she was lying. I didn't know how to react.

She shook her head, her scarlet hair falling freely back onto her shoulder. ''No.. I'm sorry, sweetie. I really am. I didn't mean for this to happen but.. it just did.'' The wet substance already stained her cheeks, she's been crying.

My heart hammered inside my chest, the empty painful feeling becoming a void. ''Oh..'' 

''I really am sorry, this is just messing up your life right now.'' My mom wiped her face. ''I wish I could fix this, Erza. Why did I have to fall in love if it has a bitter end?'' 

It's the same for me, Mom. Why did I have to fall in love if it has a bitter end?

I couldn't hold the tears in anymore. They flowed out of my eyes, along with the heartbreaking pain. My breathing became uneven as I cried silently to myself, the snow continuing to fall around me.