The Program

Chapter 12

PART 2/3

Natsu Dragneel

I don't really care that it's my birthday that much, but I still don't want to spend it doing schoolwork. If I didn't attend this school, I would be on winter break right now.

But I'm 18 now. I'm now considered an adult in the eyes of others. It's laughable, really. It feels surreal too. It was like one moment I was still back where I lived, Lisanna was still alive, and I didn't feel emotionally distant from my own best friend. 

Now I attend a boarding school, Lisanna is no longer here, and my friendship with Gray is weakening. 

That doesn't mean that back then is any better than right now. But at least back in the past, I was closer to my best friend, and an important person to me was still moving around and breathing. 

Yeah, we always look like we're the best of buds. But does it even matter if we don't tell each other anything? No matter how much time I spend with him, we're eventually going to grow apart if we don't tell each other anything. 

I need to do something about that. I can't lose another person.

My leg started shaking due to anxiety, my heart picking up the pace. Every time I think about losing someone, I think about Lisanna. She always pops into my mind. Her lifeless bloody body, her cold hand.. all of those memories come rushing back to me.

Stop.

I need to stop thinking about this. I need to stop thinking about the past. 

This isn't doing any good for me at all. Somehow, I'm always in square one. And I'm tired of it.

For how many years will I endure this any longer? 

Something, anything, needs to change.

''Okay, now that the lesson is over, we're going to be heading over to the gym now for P.E. I'm sure you all know what it looks like because of the tour. And two days ago we dealt with the locker room business, so everyone knows what to do, right?'' Ms. Strauss questioned.

I nodded along with some of the other students in the class. 

''Great. Other classes will be there, so that means we all will be sticking together. I'm pretty sure we're going to be doing a group activity or something. Do your best as a class.'' She informed us enthusiastically.

I hope what we're doing will be able to distract me from my thoughts of the past. I need to stop thinking about it. I'm tired of thinking about it constantly to the point where I have nightmares all the time.

Change.. I know exactly the first step of what I have to change.

I need to stop acting as if I'm happy. I need to stop thinking that just because someone else is happy, it means that we share the same thing.

But how do I suddenly stop it if it's the only thing that keeps me going?

We all headed out to the gymnasium. The males locker room building was on one side of it while the females locker room was on the other. 

I strolled into the males locker room, Gray following behind me along with the rest of my male classmates. I spotted my locker, putting in the combination to open it. 

Once I opened it, I grabbed my gym clothes and started changing out of my uniform. 

There's a gym uniform, but we're allowed to change into whatever gym clothes we have during the winter if we want to. Instead of wearing the uniform, I'm sporting a red sleeveless hoodie with black sweatpants and matching sneakers.