Something's gotta give

18 - Eddie's confession

Charlie took the cigarette Eddie'd offered. "Thanks." "No prob." Both took a few drags, not speaking or even looking at each other.

"What's the matter with you?" Charlie finally asked. "And don't say »nothing«, now. I'm aware there's something bothering you." He took another deep drag before he answered: "You should've seen your face today." "When, exactly?" "The very moment you'd seen him, unconscious." "What about it? I was troubled - so?" Eddie shook his head. "It was more than troubled." "What'd like more... worried? Caring? 'Cause that's how I feel seeing someone who's just passed out." Eddie leaned backwards against the bus. "Yeah? I wonder." "About what?" He caught her eyes. "If you had looked the same way if it would've been me."

She lowered her head. "Of course I would." "Very convincing", Eddie said sadly. Staring at her feet Charlie replied: "I've told you earlier this day... we need to talk. So speak your mind." "You wouldn't want to know."

She threw away her cigarette only half smoked and tread on it. "How'd you know what I wanted to know and what not?" "I can sense it. And I saw it. It's perfectly clear." "What is?" "Don't pretend being all dumb. Doesn't suit you." "Eddie!" she almost cried out. He sighed. "Anybody ever told you you're ignorant?" She stared at him. "My agent does. All the time." "Well, he may be right, you know."

"Why don't you get it off your chest, Fisher? I'm not good at guessing, either." The conversation inside the bus was gradually getting louder and hearable outside. "And empathy seems to be a foreign word to you, too. At least for me." "What do you mean, at least for you?" The voices inside were getting louder. Eddie turned around and hammered his fist against the bus. "Stop yelling at each other, will you!?" The noises stopped.

He turned back to Charlie again. "Look, Charles... I don't like to cause any trouble. The bunch in there... they're like brothers to me." "I'm aware of that. What's it got to do with me?" "Everything." "Huh?" "I... I like you, Charles. Way too much." "Oh." It began to dawn on her what Eddie was trying to tell her. "OK... I think I understand. You have feelings for me. Why's that a problem?" She paused. "I mean... what if I told you I like you too? And I won't use the phrase 'way too much'. Makes no sense to me." She raised her hand to touch Eddie's face - but he grabbed her wrist, preventing her from doing this. "Don't."

She made a step back. "Sorry. I didn't..." She broke off. "You and me would regret this", Eddie said in a smooth tone. "A couple of hours ago we both had a weak moment. If the circumstances were different I'd surely give it a try. You'd be worth it. Maybe you're even worth the consequences we both would suffer in the given situation." "What situation, which circumstances? I don't know what you're talking about!" she asked in confusion. "Are you trying to tell me the others wouldn't accept if there was... something else between you and me but friendship?"

He smiled, but it was a tortured fake smile. "It's not about acceptance. It's about rules among us." "Your rules - or just his?" Now he laughed for real. "There you go. To you, it's all about Ryan, isn't it?" She crossed her arms. "You know how I think about him!" "Yes, I do. But do you - really?" "I can point out a pain in the ass if I see one." "He's yours and you're his. Tie." He could see that she was thinking.

"So... how will we go on from here? For you don't want to break your rules? Stay out of one another's way?" He shook his head. "No! I'd hate to do that." The voices from inside became louder again and Eddie sighed. "I guess it's about how we'll go on the next days with our seriously damaged little cry-baby. We should go back in there. But... to be clear on our issue: Your friendship is important to me. Very. I'd prefer to keep it." "Me too", she agreed. "I'm just not sure if our feelings won't get in each other's way." "Not if we don't want to", Eddie replied. "And... I'm pretty sure you're not that clear about your feelings... yet." They were shouting at each other now hot-headed. Eddie looked really worried now.

"C'mon, let's go in. This is getting out of control now. Someone needs to slow them down. Guess, it's my turn." So they went in again.

The heated debate was in full speed, everybody had reddened faces and they were talking all at once, wildly gesturing. Eddie took his both index fingers into his mouth and blew an ear-splitting whistle. At once there was silence and everybody turned to him. "Gentlemen, please. What's the subject? Can't you talk like civilized men?" Ryan glared at him. "Says someone who's managed to stay out of our... uhm... discussion so far. Instead, I'm pretty sure...", he threw a sideglance at Charlie, "... your dialogue was much more... restrained and... more grown-up." The anger in his eyes was obvious. Charlie kept her mouth shut what only enraged him the more. "What - running out of words, Charles?" She just turned away and went down the aisle.

"Leave her alone", Eddie was very calm. "She's not the subject." "Whoa! Ain't she?" "No. So... what's this all on about?" Zach looked tired when he said: "Ryan's refusing to do as he was told. Still." "You wanna go on stage in two days from now?" Ryan leaned back. "Yes." Suddenly, he was quite taciturn. "Fine. Let's do it, then." Eddie was fully aware: This wasn't what the others would've wanted him to say. "If you want to rush headlong into disaster, it's fine by me. You want to disobey the doctor's order? Great... If anybody's interested in my opinion about this, though... We can take the short cut from here as well: It's either cancellation or postponing. Performing within the next week is not an option. Poll?"

Zach's face lit up, Drew grinned, Brent simply nodded and Brian raised his right arm. Altogether they said:"Poll!" Ryan closed his eyes for a moment and sighed. "Okay, stop this. No poll. Let's postpone. No cancellations, you hear me?!" He rubbed his eyes and yawned. "You know... I hate to be beaten at my owngame. But at least I know when it's time to give up. Can anybody help me now? I need to piss... and somebody who'll put me to bed, afterwards." "I'll help you... getting to the toilet. But the piss..." Eddie was smirking. Ryan gave him a vicious look. "I wouldn't choose you to help me with this, in the first place!" "How did I know you'd exactly say that? Same goes for putting you to bed, I guess." Ryan furrowed his brow, but he smiled at his bandmate, lurking. "She'd given you the fluff, huh?" "No, mate. The other way 'round", Eddie replied sedated. He could see how Ryan's face turned pale.