Something's gotta give

19 - A sleepless night...

Charlie didn't witness that conversation. After she'd left the living room she went to her compartment and climbed up to her bed. She laid down on her back, crossed her arms behind her head and stared at the ceiling in thoughts. She felt confused about what Eddie had said some minutes ago. So he was convinced she weren't sure about her feelings? What feelings? She was only around because she'd signed a contract. In addition to that she liked their music and most of the guys. Zach, Eddie and Brent in particular. Drew and Brian, too... but it was different because they were more reserved towards her and not as openly and honestly than the rest, though they were trying to be all kind and nice and friendly, still. But the connection between herself and the three others seemed to be somehow closer. Drew and Brian never said something personal to her so far like they were keeping a certain distance. 'And what about Ryan?' a little impertinent voice inside of her kept on asking. Nothing, she answered that question to herself, quite troubled. He's some kind of a neutron, I'm not worrying about him! He's just a contracting party. 'Is he?' the voice answered. A difficult contractor... but yes. Just someone who's gotten in my way, incidentally... somehow. 'Stop asking me stupid questions', she told that voice.

Though she'd closed the door to the bedroom compartment she could suddenly hear Ryan and Eddie yelling at each other. So the argument about Ryan going on stage with his wounded foot apparently wasn't over. She tried hard not to listen but then she heard Zach raising his voice and he was mentioning her name: "For Christ's sake! By no stretch of the imagination - I can't see what Charlie's done wrong! Eddie told you so: He was just joking! She didn't ask him to hump her, she only teased him a little. To others that's also known as flirting! I don't understand why you're making such a big deal out of this!" "Well, I do!" Eddie said a little louder than Zach. "I bet he thinks she's up for laying every single one of us! He's just blowing up a harmless and insignificant thing, like he always does!" "I'm not blowing up anything! I warned her she had to leave if she causes trouble!" She hadn't heard Tedder talking that furious before. "That's the point!" Eddie shouted. "She's not causing any! The only one who's troubled is you! For no reason." "Shhh! Keep it down, guys", Zach's sonorous voice was to hear. "Ted, you're making a mountain out of a molehill. To me it seems Eddie's totally cleared the situation - if there even was one. There's no need at all to get upset. Unfortunately, you both were noisy enough and she must have heard you. That's embarrassing!"

Charlie heard Ryan griping and mumbling for a while but he seemed to calm down more and more when both Eddie and Zach answered with lowered voices. After a few minutes the conversation seemed to have stopped. At least she couldn't hear them talk anymore. She sighed. It might be better not to face them again today, Charlie thought. Though it was early in the evening she decided to take a quick shower and to go to bed right afterwards. She brought enough stuff to read and maybe this was the best opportunity to start reading on DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT by a German comedy author called Tommy Jaud. He wrote that book under the pseudonym "Sean Brummel" and the first lines she read while she was waiting for her flight to Belgrade already had made her laughing out loud. So she was looking forward to read more... but as soon as she was in the bathroom and let the hot water engulf her body her thoughts returned to the quarrel she had to listen to earlier.

'I don't belong here', she thought. 'It's just like touring with U2. I'm an alien element. The harder I try to adjust myself to fit into or adept the process of touring the more I'm getting into trouble. And... them, too... Ryan was right. I shouldn't be here. I'm nothing but confusion.'

Right at that moment she decided to declare the contract void. First thing tomorrow, she thought regretfully, stepping out of the shower, fetching a fresh towel, wrapping it around her body beneath her arms, combed her hair back, put on some deodorant and brushed her teeth. It just didn't even cross her mind she could run into one of her fellow passengers when she left the bathroom - but she did. Eddie was just bringing along a stumbling, limping, injured and moaning Ryan to help him getting into his bed.