Journeys(L.H)

Chapter 29

      I stepped out of the rental car and onto the hot pavement at the airport. awe had gone to the hotel and I jammed all my clothes and stuff into my large suitcase. I chose not to check my phone in fear of the amounts of texts and calls that is missed over the past months but it was charged, thank goodness.

   Louis hauled out of luggage and squinted his eyes at the sky. What great weather we're having." He muttered as I grabbed my suitcase and we walked into the airport.
The bustle of people have me a familiar sensation of adrenaline. Being around this many people with so many different goals made me tense. It flooded my system with nervous energy and I could barely think straight. It never used to be this bad but now my stomach churned in the thought of having to talk to many people.
I knew I should've taken my pills with me. It's a six month tour. I was so stupid to think that my body wouldn't react after straight routine being broken after two years. I debated for hours in my bathroom whether I should pack them or not. I guess I felt extra confident(and extra stupid) that day because I walked right past them the next morning. They are surely right where I left them. I'm very glad that I was in the hospital when the rest of the boys neared Doncaster on tour.

   I hadn't realized that I'd zoned out, tense in fear and anxiety. "Brinley? Brinley! Can you hear me?" Louis shook my arm with concern written on his face like a book.
   I blinked and gasped for breath, placing and hand over my chest. I looked down, unable to look him in the eyes. "Have you been taking your pills lately?" Louis asked with his concern growing.
   "I'm fine. Just overtired." I shrugged him off and set my shoulders back.

   "That's not an answer." He insisted. Should I lie and say that yes, yes I was in fact taking my pills and I'm doing well? Should I tell him the truth and say that no, no haven't been for the past four months ever since we left Doncaster and I feel dread eating away at my insides? Neither option sounded great. Both had their risks. The truth risked me getting in trouble and possibly grounded my mum and Louis. The lie risked me getting caught and me getting worse. But I couldn't bring myself to admit to my brother, the one I look up to for anything, that I am weak and stupid and I make terrible decisions.

   "Yes. I have." I snapped without a moment's hesitation. "We should go. Don't wanna miss our flight." I pulled along my suitcase and a chill ran through my body in shock waves. Don't dig a deeper hole for yourself, I scolded. It's only going to get worse.
    I could never say that I can't handle the pain that comes with not taking my medication to keep the past tucked away. The medication only holds off the pain and symptoms like panic attack, terrible anxiety, bursts of anger and mood swings along with other terrible mental side affects.

I sat down on a bench with black chairs built in. My brother settled down beside me. "Are you feeling alright? We could always call a doctor and see if-" Louis started to offer me help before I held up a hand in his face.
"Louis, I said I'm fine. Just leave me alone!" I said shortly. His voice cut off and he turned away from me, twiddling with his hands.

  Many minutes passed. I don't know how many, I lost count at 12. It was so beyond boring and uncomfortable that I couldn't focus on anything without a thought about Louis crossing my mind. Considering we are the closest in age in our family, we were very close. We did have our squabbles but very rarely. It was hard for me to lie to him, knowing that I'd let him and others down.

  Our flight to Toronto was called and I jumped up, ready for a distraction. We both hauled our bags into the terminal, not speaking. I thanked the lady collecting our tickets as we entered the plane. Once Louis and I were on the plane, I shoved my suitcase into the overhead compartment for carry-ons. I pulled my phone with earbuds wrapped around it out of the front pocket.

   I turned on my phone and saw all the notifications buzz up. Thirty-seven texts, 11 missed calls and a zillion Instagram and Twitter notifications.
   Most of my texts were from just before the crash, the boys worried about where Harry and I were. Some of them were from my sisters or my mum. Only three were from my friends, Margo and Annabelle.

   The missed calls were all from my mother. I winced and excuses myself to the bathroom. We weren't taking off for another ten minutes so I figured I had time to call my mum.
   I clicked on her contact and let in ring against my ear.

   "Hello?" Her voice sounded weary over the receiver.
   "Hi mum! It's Brinley!" I said brightly, trying to cover up my nervousness.
   "Don't you 'hi mum' me! You are in big trouble young lady." She spat to me. "I know that you left your pills at home. How could you forget them?" She scolded me.

   "I'm sorry, I just thought that-" I tried to explain myself before she cut me off.
  "That what? That you would magically get better? That it would disappear? You were wrong." She nearly yelled at me.
     "Mom, it's gone! I'm better now! Why can't you get over that? It's not coming back. I feel fine." I dug myself a deeper hole in the lies of my wellbeing.

  "I thought I could trust you going on this tour alone. You are coming home with me immediately."

A/N: yay another cliffhanger. You're welcome. You might figure out her illness soon idk. Okay byeeee🌯