Journeys(L.H)

Chapter 44

         The concert went on and Luke had shown no sign of recognizing me or acknowledging me. I had tried my best to remain normal and enjoy the music that was being loudly pumped into my ears. 
    It felt good to get back to being a typical teen, dancing with her friends at a concert and singing along loudly without a care in the world.

When one song ended, another started quickly after one of the boys spoke a few words about it. "So, we write this one a while ago. This is Everything I Didn't Say. Here we go." Luke spoke with a small smile on his lips. When he finished speaking, they began playing and an awfully familiar tune drifted through my brain. My stomach clenched when I saw Luke bite his lip and brush his face. I squinted, looking closer to see that tiny tears splattered down like raindrops over his cheeks.
He shook himself off and kept playing. I saw Michael look at Calum and they exchanged worried glances. Ashton was oblivious to what was happening because he was higher up on stage than them.
As the song went on and the lyrics were sung, it started to feel more and more familiar. The growing feeling of dread and surprise planted in my stomach, the stems rising higher and higher.
"This is everything I didn't say." Luke and Calum sung together. My mouth dropped open and hung there, dead. My head began the tense and my body shook from the large amount of pressure I was tensing up to. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I couldn't even focus right. But the music still plays on, over and over in my head. Almost taunting me.

When I finally get a grip over my body and stumble away from my seat, I run as fast as I can up the metal stairs, that are clanging with every panicked step I take. Breathing fast and hard, I race out of the arena and into the small area where we entered. The whole corridor was deserted, the whole audience were obviously watching the concert.

I leaned myself onto a cool white wall, the tiles pressing into my back and somehow soothing me. I guess it was like a reassurance saying that at least something has my back.
      Then another strike of lightning, a flash of pain, struck and danced in my head. It felt like a hammer pounding on my brain. And my conscious. Go back my minds told me. Face him and be redeemed.
     I bit my lip to try and keep the sobs from coming. Why am I reacting like this? I know they won't be happy to see me but I'm still here. There's no way that I could sneak out without him seeing me.
     I took shallow, deep breaths. Or at least tried. I broke down halfway through the third breath. I sank to my knees, my anchor hitting the sandy sea bottom, below sea level. I was on my knees against the wall, sobbing into my hands. If anyone saw me right now, they would think I'm delirious. I wiped my nose and hugged my face into my knees. Tears came down slower now, as a memory resurfaced in my mind.

This is everything I didn't say

Wait, don't tell me, heaven is a place on earth
I wish I could rewind all the times that I didn't
Show you what you're really worth

The way, you held me, I wish that I had put you first
I was wrong I admit, numb from your kiss
While you were slipping through my fingertips

   I lifted my head to see a burly tall man walking towards me. I made no effort to stand up or anything. I didn't feel like it. I felt like curling up and crying some more. "Hey miss," the man called. He had large white letter printed on his shirt that read Security. "What are you doing out here?" He didn't sound mean or harsh, but caring and pitiful.
    "Just, ah" I wiped my cheeks before finishing my sentence. "Getting some air." I lied to him. I felt like I was floating now, all the energy drained out of me and the aftermath was in full swing now.
   "Why are you crying?" He asked me in a soft voice. His name tag read Bert.
   "It's complicated." I shrugged and wrapped my arms around my knees.
    He slid down next to me. "This concert is way too long. I've got time for a story." He said. I gave a weak smile.
    So I told him. I told him everything. I told him about my cancer, the letters I wrote, the car crash and what had happened between Luke and Calum, then Luke and Ashton. I told him about Luke and I's relationship, if we ever had one. "And now my friend dragged me here without telling me who was performing. So I can't leave because she's my ride but at sometime during the concert, he'll eventually see me. I'm in the front row, he can't just not see me." I said, waving a hand in the air for emphasis. "I'll need help getting out." I looked at him for assistance.

   He smiled kindly. "I got you, kiddo. You can count on me on do the right thing." He stood up and offered me a hand. I took it and wiped my face. "Don't worry about it. Go have fun." He touched my shoulder.
     I beamed at him and waved goodbye. "Thanks Bert!" I called after him before walking back into the arena, searching for my seat and my dignity that I'd left behind.

A/N: whale then. Hi. Sorry it's so short but I'm having trouble writing idk why it's scaring me.