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SHE didn't know if he had been serious. Maybe she wished he hadn't.
Was Raena even certified to help a struggling leader of the dark side control his anger? She couldn't even control her own sometimes. She guessed that her pride had gotten the best of her; she just wanted to prove him wrong, and in that quest, she was going to look like an idiot herself.
She wiped the cold sweat on her forehead from training. The general had worked her and the cadets hard that day, challenging Raena to yet another fight with Pacey. She finally got the chance to notice that she did train with Gerardo, the man she had met the day before at the meeting. Changing into her normal pair of clothes, she washed her hands while looking at the bags under her eyes in the mirror. She touched the area lightly, closing her eyes for a moment as they strained to stay open.
"Only a few more hours and you can sleep," she told herself before walking out of the bathrooms and towards the abandoned hallways of the ship.
She found him in the same room as yesterday, hunching his back as he sat on the rickety bench and held his masked-head in his hands. She knocked on the doorframe of the entrance, watching him flinch for a split second when he spun her way. "Did I startle you?" She questioned with a raised brow, taking the spot she sat in the day before.
"No."
She rolled her eyes when he wasn't looking, muttering, "Sorry, I was late. Hux had training go later than usual." He didn't respond, his head staying in the direction of the wall in front of him. "You don't have to wear the helmet, you know. It's not like I haven't seen you without it."
His head whipped towards her own, the darkness of the mask making her want to recoil away, but she continued her hard stare. She heard him sigh inside the helmet before slipping it off, running a hand through his dark hair. "It does get rather stuffy in there," he thought out loud.
"So," she droned, "how am I – I mean, what do you want me to do?"
"You said that if I ever wanted help controlling my anger to ask you," he replied gruffly. "I'm asking now."
She swallowed hard, wondering how this scene was happening to her.
"In my defense," she said, putting her hands up in surrender, "I've never taught anyone before."
He lofted a brow. "Then why did you offer?"
"Because I wanted to be right!"
He was taken aback by her exclamation, and soon leaned into the female assassin, seething, "Just teach me."
She watched him grit his teeth, swearing she felt spit hit her face at his growl. "Alright," she mumbled, standing from the bench and walking to the destroyed control board in front of her. Her digits slid across the darkened metal. "The first step is to not let statements that others say get to you."
"That's idiotic."
She turned, scoffing his way.
"I'm Kylo Ren; I am here to show authority. If another is undermining me, I'm going to put them in their place."
"That's only going to make you angrier." She warned, pointing her finger. "Don't let things Hux says cause you to act out. You're just going to end up looking like the idiotic one."
His dark eyes met hers, watching them as they soon narrowed.
"Step two," she continued, "learn that everyone is not out to get you."
His brow rose as he replied, "That is folly."
"Maybe it is," she sighed, "but believe it or not, some on this ship may look up to what you're doing. I ..." She looked away, not believing that she was going to lie to make the commander feel better. "I think that what you plan to accomplish is ... inspiring."
"Really?"
She closed her eyes, even though she knew he couldn't see her face, the lying still killed her. "Sure."
He was silent, so her feet planted themselves in the space she was in with her back facing him. A spark ignited from one of the broken circuit boards and she moved her hand away in fear.
"No," he finally muttered, watching her slowly turn so their eyes could lock. He was glaring at her, standing up so he could tower over her already tall frame. "Those won't do anything. You can't help me." He leaned in close enough for his breath to hit her face. "HELP ME!"
She wondered if he noticed her flinch.
Raena slowly brought her hand out to push him an inch back. "You don't scare me anymore."
His eyes formed into slits as his teeth clenched together, and he soon found himself turning his back to her. His fist pounded against the wall, a wave of anger flowing right through him as he released several growls, trying to break his fist into the metallic walls.
She followed his actions, immediately grabbing his fists and ripping them away from the steel wall in front of him. "Stopit!" She shrieked, staring at him with wide eyes as he dared not to see her own, the color of deep hazel haunting his memories. "This is the exact fucking thing I was talking about. You –"
"You don't get it," he thundered, poking a finger abruptly at her chest. "My anger makes me the authority figure. It makes me rule this fucking ship. Controlling it will only turn me into someone else that I wish to push back."
She looked away from his dark gaze, her mind already sending her flashbacks to the day they both killed his own father. She remembered the way Han Solo had said a name she was unfamiliar with – "Ben" – and just the thought made her shiver. She was standing in front of Commander Kylo Ren, but at that moment when Han was in her place, he had referred to him as Ben Solo. What happened to him? She was sure she'd never get her questions answered.
"This is ridiculous," he shook his head. "You're a remarkable killer, but a liar? Not even close."
He walked out of the wrecked and old control room, leaving Raena standing in the same place with her fingers rubbing her temples. She wished the room was quiet, but she was soon taunted by her thoughts of uselessness.
•••
Kylo hadn't wanted to hurt her feelings. It was the last thing he wanted, he realized. In fact, he had actually wanted the help that she was trying to give, even though she had no idea what she was doing herself.
As he walked down the crowded hallways to his required visit with Leader Snoke for his training, the commander couldn't stop the pained feeling in his chest. This feeling, this hurt - it sent a wave of terror throughout his body. He hadn't felt it in so long, and the realization that it was returning just from a mere tantrum that he had thrown at the blonde assassin was making his knees weak.
He punched in the several codes to unlock the door to visit the supreme leader, and soon walked in to see the aged hologram already waiting for him. "Excuse my tardiness, Supreme Leader," he bowed. "I was involved in other manners before I noticed I was late."
"Don't let it happen again." Snoke warned, tapping his fingers together. "You'll make me regret my offer to train you."
The commander shook his head with gritted teeth. "I promise you, I am taking this seriously."
"Good," Snoke replied, leaning back in his chair. "First rule of today: let your anger run free. Controlling your emotions will only make you weak, but with a hostile anger, your authority will shine through."
