baby blue. - a smornby fic.

Alex's worst mistake.

Alex's P.O.V
"Smith, I did this for revenge. You don't remember what you did to me?" She said after a long ass conversation about the past shit that had gone down with us.

"I did nothing!" I protested, knowing that I wouldn't have even dared to.

"Leading me on counted as nothing to you?" She asked dramatically, frowning as she twirled her blonde hair around her finger.

"Pathetic," I chuckled in her face at her petty statement, knowing it was full bullshit. "You were with Lewis when we were friends, I wouldn't have done that shit to him.."

"But you happily stayed up until four o'clock in the morning expressing to me how you felt lonely? Not so tough then were you?" She asked and I remembered.

Fuck. The memory pierced my chest and my stomach.

"And you said you wanted a girl, maybe one like me?" She asked and it was all coming back to me.

"I was tired, as were you. It meant nothing," I told her and I admit, I felt guilty.

"So that's okay to get a girl's hopes up is it? You knew that me and Lewis could never stop arguing.. And as soon as we broke up, you and your mates took the piss out of me for months! And when I tried talking to you you told me you was 'busy'? I was never busy when it came to you, you used to call me at like 1am.. Remember that too?" She stood up, now yelling as tears filled her eyes.

I hate to say it but what she said was true. I felt like I had feelings for her but those stopped when she left the friendship group because of Lewis. I definitely didn't feel for her at this point in time but I did before. I felt bad. I was an asshole to her and I forgot all about it.

"I'm glad you're happy and I'm glad you found happiness in Ross but.. It isn't fair! You got my hopes up and everything, god damn it! I was there for you when you actually wanted to show a bit of affection and emotion when you weren't busy getting high with your dumb fucking friends! I was alone for half a year, my friends had left because of you and Sam telling them false things about me? I was at the lowest of lows and you weren't there! I thought you cared but now I see that you didn't,"

She was sobbing and I'm pretty sure I was slightly at this point.

"But why bring him into this? It was between me and you.. Now it's online and he's broken over it, his mother doesn't even know for fucks sake Hannah!" I yelled in my own guilt and she sat down beside me.

"I was jealous.. Katie told me and I cried as soon as I got home. I knew you weren't my friend anymore but those feelings for people, they don't just end like that."

My heart beat fast and I looked up at her, she looked back. Her mascara was smudged, I wiped it away with my hand.

"I'm sorry.. But nothing will change now, I need you to know that," I told her as I calmed my voice and nerves.

"I'm sorry too, I'll tell everyone that it was me and we will just forget it all. I'll come clean, tell Ross I didn't mean for it to hurt him the way it did.. I feel awful."

"Don't," I told her, clearly out of my mind. "We all make mistakes.." I told her honestly as I truly felt bad.

"Okay.. Once again I hope me and you can at least be friends.." She nodded, moving some strands away from my eyes.

"We will have to work on it but.. Sure," I told her with a slightly forced smile as I looked at her.

My eyes met with hers and my heart began to race. She began slowly leaning in and fuck, I didn't know what was about to happen but I didn't move.

She kissed me deeply for a few moments before pulling back..

I became aware now.

"What the fuck?!??" I screamed and stood up, backing away.

Fuck.. I've gone and fucked everything up again.

I've hurt Ross.
~