Joshifer Fanfiction - A Different Love

Chapter 44

Jen's POV
I didn't see Josh for a while after that, maybe two weeks. All I knew is that when he returned home, he didn't come see me. Which hurt.

I thought we would try re-mend our relationship right away, but of course, as usual, Josh and I's relationship was complicated. Nothing ever went down like we planned.

After a hard day at work, and a few drinks, I decided to finally give in. Not because I was desperate, but because I truly missed Josh..and I found it difficult to just forget about him, no matter how awful he had been.

"Hello?" Josh said on the phone. A calm voice, much unlike my nervous and shaky one.

"Hey." I said nonchalantly.

"Jen?" Josh asked quietly.

"Yeah." I took a sip of my wine.

"What is it?" He asked, and I was taken aback. Shouldn't he at least be happy I'm even bothering to call him? Maybe even realise I think we still stand a chance? Instead, he was asking for my sole purpose for calling.

Well, I didn't know.

"I just...wanted to talk." I replied awkwardly, and he sighed.

"Not now, Jen. I'm rather busy. But I'll call you later."

"What?" I blurted, offended. More hurt. No. Offended and hurt.

"I'm sorry, but I get the feeling now is not a good time for either of us." He breathed.

"What do you mean by that?" I raised my voice.

"You're drunk." He accused, and I couldn't conjure up anything to say. He was right. He knew me too well.

"No I'm not." I lied pathetically, and he laughed.

"Alright Jen. Talk soon." He said, but I stopped him.

"I love you." I spluttered.

"Uh, yeah, okay." He replied hurriedly.

"What is your problem?" I was yelling now.

"Nothing Jen, nothing! I said we will talk soon!" He yelled back.

"Don't you dare give up on me." I warned.

"I'm not! I'm giving up on us!" He shouted, and then we both went dead silent.

He had gone too far.

"What?" I questioned, completely sobered up.

"I don't know, alright. I'm still trying to figure everything out, get more jobs, see new people, make new friends, trying to leave people behind that brought me down. I'm fixing up my life, and I don't want to bring you along only to cut you out. I want to have you when I know I'll be a good boyfriend." Josh explained.

"So, you want to just leave me, then expect me to take you back whenever you feel like you're on the right track?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"Well, when you put it like that, I sound like a douche." Josh said breathily.

"Guess what Josh? You are a douche." I said sternly into the phone before hanging up.

***
Josh's POV

Ouch. That hurt. Jennifer Lawrence did not only hate me now, but loved me at the same time. Which was worse. It meant she couldn't get over me, and she couldn't go be happy with someone else like she deserved. Instead I was here ruining her chances. I really was a douche.

I threw the phone on the ground out of anger, but immediately regretted it once I saw it had a crack in the screen.

I picked it up and turned it on, my lock-screen appearing, a picture of Jennifer, Sam, Liam and I on one of the last days of filming.

So happy. Jen, actually smiling. Her eyes wide as she was being embraced by Liam, me on the other side of her. I had a hand placed on her back, but Liam was the one who had her in his bear-hug. Sam is sat next to me, his arm thrown over my shoulder.

My eyes trail back to Liam and Jen. Jealousy courses through me. Stupid, I know, but that's my girl. My girl, and no one else's. Why am I trying to let her go when I know I won't let her go? I'm getting jealous by even looking at a photo from ages ago, just after telling her that we couldn't be together right now.

What was my problem? Was I so selfish as to completely leave her behind in order to figure out my life? She was my life.

If I can't even bare to look at a photo of her and Liam as innocent friends, how can I expect myself to be fine when she finds someone else? Marries them, has a family, is happy. And I would be there wondering why I didn't freaking love her when I had the chance.

I have the chance.

I immediately dial her number, expecting she won't pick up, but then she does.

Thank god she does.

"What is it?" She breathes into the phone, and I can tell she is crying.

"I love you too." I bite my lip, letting the silence wash over us.

"I can't really talk to you right now. It's difficult." She huffs.

"I know...I'm sorry. I can't really do anything right, can I? Anyway...I guess, if you can't talk to me, maybe you can see me?" I ask hopefully, waiting for an answer. It finally comes.

"I'll see you in 20 minutes." She hangs up.

I feel happiness spread through my body. This is my chance...maybe my last chance. The thought scares me, but I know I can win her back. If not, at least show her I will never leave her, show her I will always love her.

I get dressed as quick as I can, preparing the house up nicely. It doesn't really matter, but I need to prove I'm a changed man- changing man.

As I stare into the mirror, I realise how empty it really is. That I see myself, but it truly is not me. For the reflection to be complete, it needs one girl standing beside me. Jennifer Lawrence.

That's when the doorbell rings. She's early.

I open it and see her flushed cheeks, puffy eyes, but they are fixated on me. I am about to wrap my arms around her, take her into a strong embrace, but I stop myself.

This is about what she wants. Not me.

"I'm...so sorry." I step back for her to go inside, but instead she takes my hand and pulls me closer again.

"I know we're so damaged but, is it really possible to live on without each other?" She asks me, tears in her eyes.

"No," I whisper, brushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear, "It's not. Trust me. I've tried."

She lets out a small laugh that warms my heart. Not just because I'm hearing her laugh for the first time in a while, but because I made her laugh. I did this. The fact that I can make such a beautiful, intelligent and funny girl happy in such limited ways makes everything seem okay. The fact I'm lucky enough to hear this voice, to feel her lips on mine, to even hold her as I am now. And to be able to whisper the meaningful and truthful words to her.

"I love you."

And to be able to hear that she whispers those three quiet words back to me.

"I love you too."

It's all enough for me to be the happiest man in the World.

***

So, I feel like this story is coming to a close..and it absolutely breaks my heart to have to say it. I do feel like it's nearly time, although I love it and the whole idea, eventually stories do end. In regards to how or when, that I do not know for sure yet, but am in the midst of figuring it out.

Thanks for all of your wonderful support and I can't wait to update ASAP.