Joshifer Fanfiction - A Different Love

Chapter 20

Nick's lips on mine feel like a mistake, misplaced. Meant for someone else. But all I can register is his eagerness. He caresses my face as the last tears run down my cheeks.

I never meant for this. Why did I let him in? Why is this happening when I know it shouldn't be?

That's when I hear the door click open and Josh walks in, mumbling a lot of words before he sees us.

"Jen, I'm sorry, I didn't let you explain, but if you just-" He looks up, his eyes full of sadness. Nick has finally let go, but Josh saw most of it. I feel myself losing balance, but I hold onto the wall. I'm about to explain, but I can't get out any words. Josh doesn't wait, either.

"Sorry. I didn't know you two were having a party after my walk-out. Hope you can enjoy this, I'm guessing you've being waiting a while for it." Josh says, distraught and heartbroken, then he turns around and goes to walk off, but stops, remembering something.

"Wait a second, this is my house..." He starts to laugh, slowly, madly, becoming hysterical, "this is my house! So, so," He whips around, laughing a lot; it frightens me, "get out! Get out of my house! This is my house! Of course! MY HOUSE! Get out!"

I panic, and I rush over to him, a hand on his chest, pleading.

"Josh, I- please let me explain." I say. He's stopped laughing, but he gives me a sad and intense look. An unforgiving one.

Nick doesn't make an attempt to explain, but I shoot him a look.

"Hey, wait, let her explain. It's not her fault. I promise you." Nick tries, stepping forward.

Josh waits, and there's a long silence. After a while, he unexpectedly grabs Nick's shirt in his fist, and even though Nick towers over Josh, Josh is able to get Nick out the door, yanking him out. Nick doesn't fight back, but I can tell he wants to. Josh shouts one more thing before slamming the door on him.

"Well, that means it's YOUR fault. So never come back here."

My mind races as I think of things to say or do, but I've never being good at on-the-spot thinking. So, instead I just stand there, useless.

"So, I suppose this is where it all ends, huh?" Josh turns around, slowly, painfully, not even able to look me right in the eyes.

"If...if that's...listen, Josh, I screwed up. But I felt so lonely and I let him in and then he just kissed me and I didn't know what to do and I-"

I'm cut off by Josh's lips, forced onto mine. I'm surprised at first, but soon sink into his warmth, his steadiness, his love. I rest my hand on his chest, happiness spinning through me. He wraps both his arms around me, enveloping me into an embrace. I hold onto his lips for as long as possible, then when we pull apart I feel lingering. I catch his eyes as we hold each other, and I stare at them for what seems an eternity.

"Why did you do that?" Is all I can ask.

"Because, it's no use fighting when all I would've wanted to do was kiss you. Besides, I know how you feel about Nick. You wouldn't have done that to me; well, I don't think you would." He gives me a questioning look.

"Then you're right. Because I wouldn't." I reply, resting my head on his shoulder.

"You really hurt me. Both of you, it was like...in that moment...you were acting as if you loved him again. When he kissed you the first time, you kissed back. You stared at each other. I can't stand it. I can't." Josh says with real strain in his voice.

Guilt is not a strong enough word for what I'm feeling right now.

"I know." I sigh into his shoulder. But I get the idea I didn't say the right thing, and I'm pulled apart from Josh as he steps back.