Joshifer Fanfiction - A Different Love

Chapter 22

Day 2

Jen's POV

Yesterday was slow, I kept wandering around the house, imagining Josh with someone else, maybe even Claudia. I wanted so badly to text him, but I knew it would just make things worse. We're trying to take a break from each other, not go one day without one another then meet up and never leave again.

Today, after more scenarios float around in my head, I decide to go out. Do something. I have a refreshing shower at around 11 in the morning, and get dressed in a simple black t-shirt, tight jeans and boots. I just leave the ends of my hair curled and take a deep breath.

What do I do now?

I stare at my reflection in the mirror. I look the same. I look like the girl I watch at premiers and the girl who stands in front of a camera and acts as her job. But I don't feel like that girl. I feel like a heartsick teenager who only spends her time with her boyfriend and who can never seem to think of anything else. I look into my own eyes, and think of how all my friends must've thought I totally left them behind because of all the time I put into Josh. Then I look deeper into my own eyes. I'm trying to search for the same colour- but all I'm finding is crystal blue from all the tears I've shed. All the fights. What happened to the girl who was unintentionally humourous but at her own expense? What happened to Jennifer Lawrence? Why is she spending so much time in a love-life, when she could be spending time on her dream job?

I advert my eyes to my phone. She's not here, and I need to let that go. I need to move on, even if it's in the most limited way I can.

I walk downstairs, but when I get to the bottom, I'm speechless.

Nicholas is standing at the door, holding my gaze.

"Jen," he says, almost as surprised am I am, "what are you doing here?"

I try to find the right words, but I feel like I shouldn't be telling him the truth of my presence. For one thing, I'm totally unprepared, and for another, I'm worried he may think I'm not with Josh anymore if I say we're taking a 'break'. I should've realised; he does live here too. I never officially moved out, and neither did he. I hope he doesn't stay here, otherwise who knows what could happen.

"I'm just...visiting." I decide on. Not too risky, slightly curious, but I know Nick won't ask. Sometimes it's better not to ask, anyway.

"Oh, well, welcome home." He smiles. It takes a moment for me to place that smile, the one I remember fondly. I just hope it doesn't work it's way back into my brain.

"You too, I guess?" I smile back. I walk casually to the couch and take a seat. I wonder how often he comes here, if he does at all. Sitting here with him there alone triggers a few memories. When we really were in love, how I was able to feel one hundred percent comfortable with him. When I could tell him anything. And he could too.

"I'm surprised Josh isn't joining you on your little adventure." Nick raises his eyebrows, before coming and sitting a bit too close to me.

"He was out with a few friends." I shrug. Anything I could tell him, now I can only tell him lies.

"Well, I have to admit, it's good to see you again. The way we parted last time wasn't how I wanted at all. I thought that was it, really. I realised in that moment just how much you and Josh love each other. I'm sorry I ever interfered with that." Nick frowns.

My chest rises and falls quickly, and I am finding it hard to breathe at the right pace. I feel myself grow less and less indifferent the longer I'm here with him. The more he speaks, the more I feel unsure of my emotions. Mostly because Nick has always meant well, and I can't handle it, because that makes me more guilty.