Back for you - malik - COMPLETED.

Chapter twenty-one

January 26,2011.

‘’Everyone is acting like Isa has never existed ! People are so annoying, OMG. And that ass of a ‘’boyfriend’’ of her, he got someone a week after the accident. I kind of kneed him in the manhood for that… and I got suspended for that… and dad hit me for that. Of course, why not ? Every time it’s all getting too much, I go to the sand bay. There’s this place there where nobody comes, and it has an amazing view. It’s where I write. It’s the only thing where nobody has some kind of sick influence on me. Where nobody can tell me what to do or hurt me. Not even Isa knew about this place.

Noah asked me out, but I don’t know if I should be happy about that. I can’t use any more drama in my life right now. As far as you can call this a life !!! It was really cute though, he almost seemed nervous. I received death glares from the female population of Bristol the rest of the day. I said ‘’yes’’, but I’m still hesitating a bit. I’ve never had a real boyfriend. Only the holding-hands-is-a-relationship-relationships. Normally I would talk about this with Isa for hours and hours. Maybe even days. Yeah, probably.

I haven’t danced ever since my birthday. I’m never going to ever again. Mum keeps telling me to not give up, because I’ve never ever, ever given up. But she doesn’t have any right to say that. She gave up on me by letting dad be a psycho.

I still think about the car crash everyday. I can see everything happen right in front of me. Chad, Isa’s brother, just got his license. So of course he wanted to drive around town. And he asked us to come with him. I remember how some drunk idiot was driving right into us. I can still see Isa fly through the glass and land on the front of the car. I can still feel a piece of the window cut my stomach. And I can still see Chad’s head on the steering wheel with a lot of blood. I tried to get out of the car, but I couldn’t ‘cause I got stuck between the front seat and my own. A really big guy helped me out and pressed on my cut to stop the bleeding. But that wasn’t important then, the only thing that was important was Isa who was dying on top of a car. Chad was unconscious but he made it. He didn’t remember anything. Like, anything. The last things he remembered that happened when he was sixteen. Two years ago ! He feels so guilty. So do I. I still have a huge wound on my stomach, it’s so ugly. The doctor said it will be a big scar but that he can make it ‘’disappear’’ with some cures. I want it to be gone as soon as possible. Not only because it’s ugly, but because it reminds me of what happened.’’

April 26,2011.

‘’Two months of dating Noah and everything seems to go better. I know, weird ! But seriously, with him around I don’t have to be at home so often so I barely see dad. Noah doesn’t know about dad though, and dad definitely doesn’t know about Noah ! He never will either ! ‘Cause even though he’s the only person who hurts me physically and mentally, he thinks boys are no good for me ‘cause they will hurt me eventually. Idiot. Noah wouldn’t do the things he does. He’s the opposite of him. He’s caring and loving. He’s sweet and dad certainly isn’t.

Mum still doesn’t do anything when dad is ‘’handling’’ me. She just goes upstairs and cries. Crying is weakness. Crying won’t help me. She should call the police or something, let that stupid arse get arrested. But she’s scared. I’m not scared. I know I will get him back sometime. I just keep acting all sweet and daughter-y, but mentally I’m preparing myself for a war. Wow, that sounds weird.’’

July 26, 2011.

‘’NOW, I’m scared. Dad hasn’t done a thing to me ever since a few days after I wrote the last time. WEIRD ! He even apologised. But that doesn’t mean I forgave and forgot. Oh, definitely not. He hasn’t touched me, he hasn’t yelled at me. He has been all father-y. He buys me clothes, shoes, everything. He’s spoiling me even more than he has ever done ! He even asked me when he could meet Noah ! Like, who the hell is this ?! HE EVEN ASKED ME IF I WANT TO GO TO NEW YORK THIS WEEKEND. Just out of sudden. What the hell ?