Break The Cycle

Chapter 9:

Killian POV:

For the next few weeks things went smoothly. Every morning I met her with coffee outside her office, or inside in the little room if it was too cold. We talked for a little while and she went inside. It always made me smile because it made me think of the very first time I did it.

We often texted each other during the day, I enjoyed hearing about her work but I worried about her too. I knew she could handle herself but her perps were often men, men that were much larger than her. Most of the time she was left with bruises and the occasional cut or two, she assured me it came with her job.

When it was a late night catch, she would always text me as soon as she got home. I had never asked her to do that, but she knew that I worried and it was very touching to me that she was so thoughtful.

One night, we were in her apartment watching movie after movie on Netflix. We had ordered dinner in and afterward, we got comfortable on the couch and took turns picking. Her legs were over my lap and I had an arm around her shoulders. We had this way of being comfortably silent with each other, it was wonderful.

"Killian?" She softly asked.

"Yes, love?" I replied.

"I need to tell you something."

"Aye?" I inquired, now intrigued and looking at her.

"There's one thing about myself that I haven't told you." She admitted, not looking at me just yet.

"I know."

She looked me dead in the eye. "What?"

"I know, Emma. It's okay, I figured you would tell me when you were ready." I explained to her.

"Killian, I know everything about you and your past, and it wasn't even on your terms. It's not fair for me to hold anything back."

"Do you honestly think I would have told you EVERYTHING at once I'd had a choice?" I raised an eyebrow at her. "I didn't want to push you, tell me when you're ready."

She stared at me, with both confusion and admiration in her eyes. It was plain to see that she simply wasn't used to this level of affection, and it upset me more than I thought it would.

Emma POV:

I couldn't believe him. He didn't care that I knew everything he'd been through and he didn't know the whole truth about me. He had so much patience with me. He's been entirely exposed while I was afraid to let him know about what happened to me.

I wanted to tell him now, before I lost my nerve.

"His name was Neal." I began. Killian looked down at me but stayed quiet. "When I was seventeen we were together. We lived in that yellow bug I still drive until we decided we wanted to move somewhere and make a life together. He was going to sell some watches he stole, and then we would change our identities and go. But he set me up to take the blame for stealing them and I went to jail."

"Oh, Emma." He said, looking like he was about to cry for me.

"There's more." I said. "Not long after I went away, I found out I was pregnant."

I watched his eyes go wide.

"I only had an eleven month sentence, and eight of those months I spent pregnant. Everyone told me I couldn't do it, I couldn't have a baby at my age and and raise him in jail. I never had parents of my own so I gave him up. I never even looked at him, not once. I abandoned him to live in that crap system I was stuck in."

Killian wiped at my cheek with his thumb. I hadn't even noticed I was crying. I finally had the nerve to look up at him, I didn't see pity. I saw sadness, he was sad for me. He was trying his best to understand how hard it was to give my son up.

"It's okay. You did what you thought was best. Anybody would feel discouraged in your situation, and you wanted to give him his best chance. But I want you to know, you would have made a wonderful mother. He'll understand."

I gazed in awe. I hadn't talked about it since it happened, I was too afraid people would judge me. Before I could stop it, a fresh wave of tears came on.

"I don't even know if he got a family, I never looked for him." I wailed. Killian took me in his arms and settled me in his lap.

"It's okay, Emma. I would have given anything for my father to care that much, you did what anybody would in that situation." He assured me. I clung to his chest like a child, but I didn't care. All the pain I'd kept pushed down all these years was coming back up and it was worse than it was when it happened.

"If I could, I would go back and keep him. I would make it work and make sure he had everything."

"I know. You would have been an exceptional mother." He soothed me.

I cried well into the night, and all the while he remained steady and comforting. I'd never had this before, I didn't know how to react. So I just cried.

Eventually I fell into a haze, I knew it was late and I must have been half asleep. He carried me to my room and tucked me in to my bed. I knew he was about to leave so I stopped him by grabbing his wrist.

"Killy?" I mumbled.

"Aye, love?" I heard him respond.

"Stay." I pulled him to me.

"Are you sure, Emma? If you're not comfortable I can go home." He assured me.

I shook my head. "Please."

He took off his shoes and shirt and climbed into the bed next to me. I blindly found my way to his side and laid my head on his chest, falling asleep quickly.

Killian POV:

I wanted to find this Neal and punch him. Who does that to someone? Especially someone they're supposed to care about. I watched Emma at her most vulnerable tonight, I knew this was something she had never opened up about. I can't imagine the pain of a mother who gave away her child. I remembered the pain in my own mother's eyes as she slipped away, knowing she was leaving us. It was nothing compared to my brother and I.

I watched Emma sleep peacefully. How could she walk around holding in so much pain? I was more grateful than ever that I had Liam to lean on, and he had me. Emma had no one. The only friend she had was Ruby and I doubt she knew all of what I now knew.

I couldn't stand it. Emma was such a beautiful person, she'd had a bloody shitty life and most kids like that turn out to be just as terrible. But Emma had made it out and become a confident and wonderful woman.