Break The Cycle

Chapter 54:

Emma POV:

Group B Strep, I'd read about it. They tested me while I was pregnant, but it came back negative. They must have missed it somehow.

I felt the urge to break down again. My sweet newborn baby, not even an hour old, with an illness. How was he supposed to fight this?

"I want to see him." I declared.

"Emma, you can't even move your legs yet, you just had him. Please, rest, and I promise I'll take you to see him." Killian begged of me.

"No, I want to see my son NOW! Please," I felt the tears coming back up, my poor husband was breaking down at the sight, but I didn't care. My baby had just been ripped from me AGAIN, "get a wheelchair."

"Actually," a new voice interrupted, it was a nurse, "you need to rest for a few hours. Let the medication from the epidural work it's way out, eat something, go to the bathroom, then we'll take you to see him. I'm Linda, your postpartum nurse."

"But-" I tried to say.

"Can we talk for a minute?" Killian stepped in.

I knew what he was doing, he was advocating for me. He knew how hard his was, I spent my entire pregnancy excited because I was getting a second chance at mothering my own baby.

They walked back in and the nurse sighed.

"Okay, but you can't leave that bed. We'll wheel you to the NICU and you can look through the window." She said.

"Thank you." I tried to express to her how much this meant to me.

A few minutes later, another nurse walked in with her. One wheeled the bed, the other my IV pole. Killian walked next to me and took my hand.

It was absolutely the worst sight I had ever seen. My sweet boy, at only seven pounds, had an IV and a breathing tube, while being inside an incubator. Killian had warned me what I would see, but it didn't make it any easier. He lifted my bed so I could sit up, and I cried when I saw inside the NICU. Within a second he was in front of me, blocking the view and holding me.

"I'm sorry, love. He'll be out soon, he's your son, he can fight." He soothed me.

With that, I was taken back to my room. I thanked both of the nurses again. One handed me a menu and told me to call the phone number at the top for the hospital kitchen. I needed to eat. I mostly felt sick at the sight of my son, but they asked me to give them anything I could pump out, and to do that, I had to eat something.

So I ordered plenty of food. When it got to me, I found that I actually was pretty hungry. Then the nurse brought a pump and I started. I managed to get a little bit out, and she took it to Liam. I did this every few hours, even waking up to do it.

The next day Henry called to see if he could see his baby brother. I had asked Regina to let us have a little rest before bringing him up, before I knew what would be happening.

"Can I talk to Regina please?" I asked him after we talked a little about how he was doing there and how I was feeling.

"Sure mom. I love you." He said.

"I love you too, kid." I replied.

"Emma?" Regina's voice said.

"You can't tell him, but Liam was born sick." I informed her.

"What? Where is he?" She asked.

"In the NICU, down the hall. He'll be okay after some treatment. But Regina, he has an IV, a tube in his throat, and he's in an incubator." I started to cry again. "I don't want Henry seeing that." I managed to finish.

"Emma," I could hear her heels click as she walked away from Henry, "I'm so sorry. Of course we'll keep him here. Whenever you're ready just let us know, for now we'll tell him the hospital has rules about kids being there with the babies."

"Thank you. He's only a kid, I'm afraid to traumatized him."

Killian POV:

Emma was close to a breakdown all the time. She was finally able to be wheeled to the NICU to see Liam and hold him. That evening, after some sleep, two meals, and a few trips to the bathroom, the nurse agreed to take her. So we both went, I walked and Emma was in a chair.

She came in and a nurse opened the incubator and removed Liam. Emma opened her gown and the baby was placed on her chest for skin to skin contact, which was proven to help sick babies. A blanket was placed over his back and she stroked his tiny head and cried a little.

"You'll be okay. Mommy's here, I'll help you." She whispered to him.

"His breathing tube can be out tomorrow, if all goes well. You can try nursing him then." The NICU nurse told her.

"Okay." Emma sniffled. She had two more nights here in the hospital, then we would go home, but she would visit Liam every day.

We stayed as long as they let us, but then we were sent back to our room. They said she could see him every six hours and hold him, and to keep pumping regularly.

Sure enough, the next day his tube was out and Emma tried feeding him herself. Right away, he took to it. The nurse was amazed that he was doing it like he had been breastfeeding for months already. Emma was overjoyed because it was so good for him.

After that, she was taken to him every time he got hungry, about the same amount of time as she spent pumping. He began to improve, thank goodness we lived close because she would be pumping while she was away from him, and staying with him during the day to feed him.

And so that routine began. Emma would pump every few hours at night, and take whatever she got to the hospital in the morning. We would take Henry to school, with the promise that he could see his brother soon, and then head straight there for the day. Sometimes I stayed, other days I was needed desperately at work, but I would always come back. After visiting hours were over, we told our son goodbye for the night and went home.

For two weeks, this was our life. Emma was exhausted. I didn't always get up with her, she insisted that since I was driving her everywhere and taking care of her, I should sleep more. But if she needed anything while she was pumping, she would wake me, I would retrieve it, sit up and talk with her until she was done, and we would both go back to sleep after.

Finally, the day came when we could bring him home.

Emma POV:

Killian was being so wonderful. He didn't complain once if I asked him to get a drink or something to eat when I got up to pump for Liam. Breastfeeding made me as hungry as if I were still pregnant, especially when my milk replaced the colostrum.

Two weeks and a day after the birth of my son, we came to visit him in the NICU. I held him in my arms and fed him as a nurse approached me.

"Mrs. Jones, I have some good news." She was positively giddy.

"Amanda, you can call me Emma, you know that." I smiled at her.

"Emma," she began, "Liam can go home tomorrow."

My heart soared, I could bring my sweet baby home.

"Are you serious?" I asked.

"Yes, he's finished his antibiotics, he hasn't shown signs of illness for a few days. He has every green light."

I was so happy, after two weeks of seeing him sick and missing me every morning, he could be in his own bed, at home. I would sleep so much better with him in his bassinet next to my bed.