Break The Cycle

Chapter 12:

Emma POV:

I had this awful habit of expecting the worst in people, and now I was doing it with Killian. I was now extremely wary with him. I didn't look for anything, I just expected it to come at any moment. I knew he could feel it, but I also knew he was being patient with me.

I wasn't sure why I gave him another chance, I knew that he could do it again, and I could get hurt. But with him, strangely, I was willing to take the chance. Maybe it was because he was too. So I tried to go back to a normal routine with him, and it seemed okay. I was slowly letting him back in, tying to make myself bring my walls down again for him. He'd done it for me, he'd shown me just how far in he let me. Seeing that made me a little more willing. But there was still that cautiousness.

It was a week after the incident, and for whatever reason I couldn't stop thinking about one thing, my son. Killian told me I would be a wonderful mother, it was the first time anyone had said that to me. When I was pregnant and in jail, all the other women in there, guards and inmates, told me I couldn't do it. I was young, I was in prison, I didn't stand a chance with a kid. But now I was older, I had a job and an apartment. I could. What if I could find him, just make sure he's okay. And maybe if he didn't have a family...

I shook my head, not wanting to get my hopes up. I wanted to look for him, but if he had a family that was that. It was a closed adoption, I couldn't see him. But I had to know that he was okay.

I made up my mind and went for my computer, setting to work.

Killian POV:

Emma was still hesitant with me, I could feel it. Not that I blamed her, but it still frustrated me. She was a stubborn woman, but she was also strong. I admired that about her. Still, I did everything I could to prove her expectations about me wrong. I'd had one slip up, and it wouldn't happen again. Of course she didn't deserve what Neal had done to her.

Today I wanted to surprise her with some dinner. She just got back from having to stay a night in another town while chasing after a perp, she was tired. I could hear it on the phone earlier. So I picked up a grilled cheese with onion rings from Granny's, something I'd learned was her favorite.

It was around six when I knocked on her door. She answered, saw me, then the bag, and beamed.

"Thank you, Killian." She leaned up and kissed me.

"Well I knew you had a hard couple of days, love." I replied as I stepped in. I walked over to the table to unpack the food when I noticed her laptop. She was looking up records for adoptions of babies bird six years ago in Phoenix, where she had been in jail, six years ago...

"Emma?" I asked. She was in the kitchen getting us something to drink.

"Yeah?" She called back. Then she looked over at me and saw I was right next to the laptop. She took a deep breath.

"Are you looking for him?"

"Maybe." She said, looking down a bit.

"You know he might have a family." I warned her, I didn't want her thinking she could get him back just like that.

"I know, I just want to make sure he's okay. And if he isn't, I can change that for him." She shyly admitted.

I smiled. She wanted her son back, it was so wonderful to see her opening up more. "I think that's great, Emma."

She smiled at me, blushing.

"I can help you." I offered.

"How?" She asked.

"I know a bit about this kind of stuff. Remember, Liam as good as adopted me." I reminded her.

"Okay." She grinned. "So what can you do?"

"Well, you're on the right track. It's just bypassing the system you need to do."

"And how would I do that?" She inquired.

"You need sort of an access key." I explained. "The people who have the ability to see the records can get them for you, if you turn on a little charm."

"Charm?" She asked me.

"Aye, love." I said.

We both took the following Monday off to take a peek into these records.

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Emma asked nervously.

"Positive, love." I assured her. "Just wait here."

I knew who would be behind that desk, because I had been in this place before, when Liam was in the process of getting custody of me. It was a sweet middle aged woman named Miss Angela. She'd taken a liking to me when I was younger, so I visited her regularly. She'd taken care of me while I had to be in this building, she knew why I was here.

As soon as I walked in the door, she beamed.

"Killian." She got up to hug me.

"Hello, Miss Angela." I hugged her back.

"What can I do for you today?" She asked me.

"Well, I wanted to know where my father is." I bluntly said. She furrowed her brow.

"Why? I mean, after the way he-"

"I know, but it's something my therapist advised of me." Lie, I never saw a therapist.

"And what's that?" She inquired.

"She said I need to find a way to forgive him, and get closure. I figure the best way to do that would be to see him and talk to him one more time." I tried to put as much emotion as I could into my voice. There was no way in hell I would be looking for my father, but she had to believe it.

"Oh, Killian." She said, touching my cheek. "Of course I'll help you."

She looked around to make sure no one could see if hear us.

"Okay, listen carefully. I'm going to write down instructions, you can use my information to get into the system and find him. It'll have everything you need."

"Thank you, Miss Angela. I can't tell you how much this means to me." I really couldn't, because this was for Emma.

Fifteen minutes later I hugged her again and left the building, finding Emma around the corner where I'd left her. I waved the piece of paper.

"You're kidding?" She dropped her jaw.

"Let's just say the desk clerk and I are old friends." I smiled slyly.

"You're amazing, Killian!" She embraced me.