Break The Cycle

Chapter 23:

Emma POV:

I was nervous as hell to meet Killian. I took the afternoon off work, and had time to go home and change. I tried my best not to dress to impress him, this was strictly to talk.

At 1:45 I left for the cafe, now I had to drive to get there since I'd moved. When I got there, he was already sitting down. I walked over to him and noticed he had two cups in front of him.

"I got you a coffee." He timidly said when he noticed me. I nodded my thanks and sat down across from him, careful to leave my hands off the table.

"I don't know what to say." He started after a few moments of silence.

"Why did you do it?" I managed to spit out.

He scratched begin his ear, a nervous habit of his. "I was angry, for no reason, and I lashed out. I've been in therapy, and she thinks it was because I've been harboring anger for so long at my father and Milah."

I stared at my hands. "I can't even begin to figure out how to move past it."

"I don't expect you too. I met you here to talk to you, to put everything on the table. If you want to part ways after this, we can." He offered. Except that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to let him back in, and I was hoping that talking to him would help.

"I don't have any excuse in the world, Emma." Why did he have to say my name like that? "I'll do anything to make it up to you. I love you still."

"Why?"

"Pardon?"

"Why? You could move on and find someone else to start over with."

"Because I can't. I tried to, I never thought you would want to see me again. But it didn't work. I can't move on from you, and I can't let go of the fact that I hurt you so badly."

I could feel the tears brimming in my eyes. I had to make a break for it before I cried in front of him. "I have to go."

I got up and rushed from the cafe.

"Emma, please!" He begged as he followed me out.

"What?!" I yelled, turning around. Thank goodness the street was empty, I think this would make quite a scene. "What could you possibly think you could do to fix this?!"

He stared at me, dumbfounded. "I don't expect to fix it, I just wanted you to know-"

"How sorry you are?! Yeah, I got that. You can say it a million times and it can be a lie!"

Killian POV:

Of course, she needed to be shown, not just told that she was loved. I knew the feeling, I had the same mentality.

"Emma, I-" I stepped into her personal space.

"I hate you!" She screamed, her face screwed up as she cried. "I trusted you with everything and you screwed it all up!"

"I know. I hate myself, too." I stepped forward again, reaching for her. Why I did it, I don't know.

"Don't touch me!" She swatted at me, not really trying. I took that as a cue and embraced her, cradling her face in my hand. She sobbed into my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I broke your trust." I said into her hair. It had been so long since I had held her, I reveled in every second.

I have no idea how long we stayed like that, but when she let go, the tears had stopped flowing. I reached out to brush one away with my thumb and she flinched a little. I dropped my hand at my side.

"You don't have to be afraid of me." I tried to assure her.

"I, uh, I don't know what to do." She said.

"I don't expect you to fall back into a relationship with me, I would be crazy. But let me show you how hard I am working to make up for what I did, and to make sure it never happens again."

She stepped away from me and thought for a second.

"Killian," she began in a serious tone, "this is your last chance. I have a son now, he needs me. If you mess up again, that's it. And if you get physical again-"

"I wouldn't blame you, I almost turned myself in." I said. She raised her eyebrows at me.

"Come with me, please." I asked her to follow me. She took a deep breath and nodded.

We walked back to my house. Right before we went up the path, I turned to her. "You don't have to come inside, but this is a major part of me letting go of my anger from the past."

She looked at the house and then back at me, then waved her hand for me to lead the way. I held the door as she went inside, and she gasped.

I had redone so much in the house to make it brighter and more inviting. It had remained the same since I left here as a kid, so I was essentially hanging on to memories.

"All of the stuff that was here, was left behind by my father. I kept things that were my mother's, but since you ran out of here that night, I've been redecorating everything."

"No kidding." She said, staring around.

The curtains were replaced with brighter colors, the knick knacks on the walls and furniture were mostly gone, save for a few. The couches had been replaced, and the rugs removed, revealing a freshly polished hard wood floor. It felt good to throw out the things that reminded me of my father. Family pictures were taken down, but kept in a box in the attic.

"Does it help?" She suddenly asked.

"What?"

"Not having your dads things here anymore." She elaborated.

"Indeed it does. I don't even know why I hung on to it, but when I got rid of it, it felt like a weight had been lifted." I said.

She nodded. "I don't know why I hang onto that damn car."

That was a surprise, I knew she and Neal had history in it. But Neal hadn't left so many bad memories.

"I feel so much better, more open and alive." I did, it was like my father's abuse no longer defined me. And to be honest, I kept that stuff to remind me of what a person was capable of, even your own parent.

"I told Henry I would pick him up from school." She said, checking her watch.

"Right." I forgot she had her son now. "So he's yours?"

"He's mine." She gave me the slightest of smiles, but it was enough to make my heart leap.

"I'll talk to you again soon. Bye, Killian." She said before seeing herself out.