Break The Cycle

Chapter 43:

Emma POV:

I couldn't get what Regina said out of my head. Was Killian ready to make a real commitment to me? Did I share the feeling? And Neal, that was whole new mess. Why would he ask Killian to step in as Henry's father? They were old friends, maybe Neal didn't trust anybody else.

Or he's just not too blind to see how much Killian loves the both of you.

I'll shut that damn voice up if it's the last thing I do.

I blew a few hairs out of my face, I hated this. I wasn't just physically healing, I had to deal with all of this crap in my head. And naturally I had no one to talk to. Regina was too damn sarcastic. Ruby had too dirty of a mind. Henry's teacher, Mary Margaret, and her husband had become remarkably close to us now, but I didn't feel comfortable sharing this with her. No way in hell would I talk with Liam or Elsa, or Anna for that matter. It would get back to Killian before I made it home. Those two brothers were too close for their own good and Anna was just chatty.  That left Robin. Well, he wouldn't mock me for it, and apparently Killian confides in him. It was worth a shot.

The next weekend was a birthday party for Roland, I took the opportunity when Robin excused himself inside to prepare the cake. I followed him, saying I had to go to the bathroom.

"Robin?" I immediately got his attention. How else would I get the nerve to do this?

He looked up and nodded in acknowledgment.

"I need to talk to you about Killian."

"Ah, I knew this was coming." He knowingly smiled. Regina had told him, damn her.

"It's just, why would Neal ask Killian to be a dad to Henry? And on his death bed, no less." I inquired.

"Well, for starters, Neal has no one else he would trust. Then there's the fact that Killian is hopelessly in love with you and will do anything for you and your son."

I huffed, much to his amusement.

"Tell me, what in the world is so wrong with Killian being so committed to the both of you?"

His question caught me off guard. I stuttered trying to answer. What was my issue with it?

"Don't be upset with Regina, but she told me what Neal did. Not that it's an excuse, but he was an idiot teenage boy. Killian is not only a grown man, but has been by your side for so long now. Many men would have fled at the idea of a child coming along with a woman, not to mention a past such as yours. And then that past coming back to haunt you? Killian could have run for the hills, gone and found someone who was a blank slate. But he stayed with you because he loves you and that boy of yours. I've met his brother, you know."

My head snapped up in surprise. Where was this going?

"They invited me to a bar with them not too long ago. Killian confided in both of us, he's gone down a slope of emotional hell worrying about you."

I felt guilty putting him through that.

"He didn't have to stick around."

"But he does, because he's got his own chains weighing him down. You're kindred souls. He's lost love too, he's been abandoned by his father, he lost his mother. He very nearly lost you when he almost went off the deep end."

"He's come a long way, we both have."

"And you've done it together. If that isn't a sign, then I don't know what is."

"When did you get so wise?" I quipped.

"When I got my second chance." He gestured outside to Regina.

I took a deep breath. Too many emotions were coming at me at once.

"I'll leave you to your thoughts then." Robin said, patting my shoulder and going back outside.

Killian POV:

Robin came back out of the house with that cocky grin on his face. I furrowed my brow and walked over to him.

"What has you in such a good mood?" I asked him.

"Being right." He winked. "Say, how about you and I meet up with your brother again later? I could use it after this party. David's been wanting to get together again, apparently he really enjoys our company."

"Who not?" I smirked.

That night we all met up at the Rabbit Hole, drinking a few beers and laughing together. David made a great addition. I did have fun, but the truth was I missed Emma the entire time. Liam was able to see that, and told me to head home to her. They all saw me out with a rousing encouragement that had the tips of my ears bright red.

I walked in the door to see Emma in the kitchen preparing a hot cocoa. She was sprinkling the cinnamon on top when she saw me.

"Hey, how was guys night?" She inquired after I kissed her cheek.

"Fun. I just missed you." I said with an arm around her waist.

"We spent the entire day together." She pointed out and smirked.

"I know, can't a man miss his lady love?"

She smiled. "Thank you."

"For what, my dear?" I asked, confused.

"I know I haven't said it yet, but thank you for being there for Henry. It's been hard on him, gaining and then losing his dad, then basically repeating it with his grandfather. Then seeing me like this." She pointed to her arm.

"I'm happy to do it love." I rubbed her back lightly.

"I know what Neal asked you."

"Pardon?" Maybe she was talking about something else.

"He asked you to take care of us, and since he can't be there for Henry anymore, he wanted you to."

I was silent for a moment, not knowing how to react. I didn't want she to shy away from me once she knew my level of commitment to her.

"Henry needs a father. Not to say that you're not enough, but the more the merrier." I grinned. "A child can never have too many people who love him."

"You're right. I just, I guess I didn't expect Neal to ask so much of you."

She thought it was a burden.

"Emma, it's not too much of him to ask me. I care a great deal for Henry, Neal didn't have to make it his dying wish. I would have done it anyway."

"But why?" She demanded, turning to me and looking me dead in the eye.

"Because I love you." I stared right back. "I love both of you. If you'll have me, I'll be there for you."

The look on her face was enough to cause physical pain in my chest. She furrowed her brows, looking confused, not knowing how to react. I couldn't stand that fact that she didn't know how to process what was happening before her, because she had never had someone care about her on such a deep and intimate level.

Emma POV:

What the hell did he mean by that? If I'll have him? If Robin and Regina were right, I was staring at a man who didn't ever want to be apart from me. And the truth was that I couldn't stand the idea of being without him. The two boys in this house, they were my whole world. In the back of my head I knew that if I lost Killian, it would destroy me. But I had never admitted it to myself. Until now.

But my brain couldn't stop asking why he would want to love me so much. I had no family to speak of, other than Henry. I grew up abused and neglected in the foster system, then I got pregnant as soon as I got out, with the father leaving me to take the fall for his crime just before I found out. I gave up my son, to live in the same conditions Killian and I had both endured. I was damaged, something most people would discard. So why hadn't he?

Robin's answer came to mind. Killian was still here, for the same reason I was. I didn't focus on his past, I didn't let it affect me. I loved him here and now, that's what was important.

I had no words, so I just leaned in and silently asked him to hold me in answer. He wrapped me in his arms, telling me I was safe and loved.