宮殿 Gōngdiàn×The Palace

CHAPTER 25

"I was born during a time of tranquility, but as the Han Dynasty lost the mandate of Heaven, chaos engulfed the land. Heaven showed no mercy, unleashing confusion and division. Earth showed no mercy, bringing me into existence during such a tumultuous period. War was rampant, and every road was perilous. Soldiers and civilians alike fled from death and suffering. The land was shrouded in smoke and dust, overrun by ruthless Tatar bands. Our people lost their resolve and integrity. I could never adopt the ways of the barbarians. I endured daily violence and insults. I strummed my lute and listened to the sound of a Tatar horn, but no one understood the agony and grief that consumed me."

In the depths of the night, I sang to drown my sorrows, finding solace in my first taste of wine. Sitting outside, gazing up at the stars in the dark sky, memories flooded my mind. I remembered the times when I would play hooky with my friends in Fu Shang, neglecting practice and schooling. A tear rolled down my cheek as I wondered if they all believed I was dead now. And then, the image of my father, Baba, appeared in my thoughts, causing even more tears to fall.

It was unlike me to succumb to misery, but in that moment, I felt the urge to abandon hope. I couldn't comprehend why I felt this way on that particular day, until I realized it was my seventeenth summer.

My mind drifted back to Baba as I took another sip of the sweet wine. On that fateful day, he had gone hunting, never to return, He had scolded me that morning for skipping practices, but back then, I didn't understand the importance of the skills he tried to impart upon me. Chuckling to myself, I acknowledged how wrong I was. He used to say in his stern voice.

"Stay focused, Ling Er. Stay focused, no matter what." How focused am I now, Baba? I whispered to the bright moon in the night sky. I remembered shrugging off his words, and as soon as he left that morning, I disregarded his lessons to prove myself to the other kids in town. I chuckled again, realizing the irony of it all, and took another swig of the sweet wine. The alcohol made my head feel light, my body weightless.

When I reflected on my actions, I realized that my stubborn behavior had led to countless problems. Sighing, I redirected my attention to the valley below, where loud singing and dancing echoed through the night. Chang dong of the Mongrels had just married Mei Yao Ch'en, the daughter of a northern leader. Memories of her flooded my mind. She had not been so welcoming to me since her arrival last winter, even though I was a prisoner that pose no threat to her . Although there was no need for me to be aware of all the happenings, the slaves loved to gossip, and so I learned more than I needed to about the affairs of this hideout. She had brought an army with her, which explained why Liu Chang dong desired no more army men.

his wife had expressed a desire to meet the captive of war, under the pretense of being "welcoming." When she sent for me, I was brought before her. She scrutinized me from head to toe, wearing a revealing hanfu that showcased her bare breasts and femininity. I averted my gaze, refusing to engage in her game. She chuckled and sat down, crossing her legs and allowing her hanfu to fall to the side, revealing her bare legs. Taking a sip of her tea, she spoke.

"Do you not like what you see?"

I remained silent, keeping my head low. I couldn't comprehend her intentions, but I had no intention of playing along.

"I can see why he has kept you locked away. My, you are a pretty one."

"But what I don't understand is why he hasn't taken you yet. I can see why he is so fascinated with you, to the point that when he releases himself, it is your name that leaves his lips."

I lifted my head, shocked by her words. She laughed and stood up.

"What, haven't you noticed? You get to live like a prince, instead of a slave or captive."

"No, it hasn't crossed my mind." I snapped at her, annoyed by her presence. If she had a problem with her soon-to-be husband, she should address him, not me.

All I wanted was to leave this place.

"Pretty mouth you have too," she whispered in my ear. I moved to grab her neck, but Liu Chang dong's voice echoed through the room.

"What is this?"

"Oh, husband, I was just inspecting our captive here. He is quite sturdy." she said in a sweet voice that made my stomach churn.

"Bring him back!" Chang dong's command echoed through the air as I was forcefully lifted and brought back to my quarters.

That was the first encounter I had with the mistress. From then on, she would send over snacks or some form of tea. However, I never consumed anything she sent. I couldn't shake the feeling that she wanted to poison me, and I was determined not to meet my end in this place. To make matters worse, Changdong started to become overly touchy, and each time he did, my skin crawled. Taking another sip of my drink, I listened to the clans celebrating their union. I longed to return home to him, leaning back against the rocks, I closed my eyes.

It had been six months since I had been trapped in this hideaway, and not a day went by where I didn't wish I had stayed where I was. Zing ah had promised me that my uncle was pleading with the emperor to release me back into his care, but now I questioned if that was truly what I wanted. The last day I had fought with the emperor, my blood boiled with hatred and a thirst for revenge that clouded my judgment.

I had to defy him, to shame him by escaping. It's funny how now, as I reminisce about everything that happened between us, I wonder if I was as angry as I remember. Then again, he was and still is a cold man who, I can finally admit without a doubt, I was attracted to.