Alsina's Boys

Figuring It Out Together

Assata POV -

I woke up to the sound of the vacuum blasting. O was sleeping like a damn baby. I know he had to hear this. It was 6'clock in the morning. Who vacuums at 6'clock in the damn morning? 😖😖😖

"O." I shook him awake. He didn't budge.

"O." I said loudly in his ear.

He woke up startled. "Why you yelling?" He wiped his eyes.

"Why am I yelling? Why is my mother vacuuming  a 6 in the damn morning." I said equally loud. Hoping she heard me. But knowing she didn't because the vacuum was so loud.

"It's not that bad." O fluffed his pillow and went back to sleep.

"You know what..." I got out of bed, put on my house shoes and charged downstairs.

I could not believe my eyes. She had took down my drapes and rearranged my couch and chairs in my living room.

"Ma, what are you doing?" I said in utter disbelief.

"Huh? I can't hear you." She said vacuuming.

I ripped the cord out the wall.

"I was almost finish Assata. Plug that back in."

"Ma." I removed her hands from the vacuum and grabbed her hands lovingly. "You got to stop. You got to
Stop. Just stop. This is not your house. I appreciate you helping out but me and O got it. We got it. Just sleep and eat. That's your ministry. Resting and eating. Anything else that needs to be done. Me and O got."

I understood my mother was having an OCD moment. This was routine at her house. Always busying herself. And I understood when she was stressed or mad, she cleaned. But not here. Not
Today Satan.

"Sorry I just...sorry." She said sadly and went upstairs.

I wrapped the cord around the vacuum and put it up. Then went upstairs to my mother's room. She was sitting on the bed with her her head in her hands crying.

"Ma..." I sat next to her on the bed and put her head on my chest. "What's wrong."

She just cried.

"Listen I know it's hard. Adjusting to life after us when we were your life. I can only imagine."

"Sometimes I just don't feel like living anymore. I don't see the purpose now. Miri's gone. You and O got your own lives. Then August is never home. Sometimes I just drive around the neighborhood to avoid going in the empty house. It feels less lonelier that way." She lifted her head and wiped her eyes.

"I didn't know it was that bad for you Ma."

"Nobody ever knows. I just give and everybody takes." She stood up
And went to her luggage.

It was then that I realized the entitlement that we as children have. Our parents are like wells of water that continue to give us water that provides our nourishment and our growth and then when their well runs dry and they are no longer able to provide water we say, "oh well. you're a parent you're supposed to do that. You're supposed to Give."

How selfish and entitled is that? Never realizing that a dry well
Needs to be replenished every once and while to continue to give water.

"Ma." I took the luggage. "I'm sorry for not being as attentive as I could be. And it's not that I didn't want you here per se, it's just me and O are just excited about the possibility of having kids and we want to for lack of a better word ...get it on."

She chuckled. "I understand baby. And I am not trying to come between that."

"And I know you're hurt about Auggie. Yes he should have been more careful."