Heart Of Iron (GirlxGirl)

Idiotic Coward

Right after the food fight incident that happened just a day ago, everyone in the cafeteria had to clean up the mess. Which means Julie and I didn't, because Julie got the idea of going to the courtyard. Which was the first good thing she has done for me.

And I was unexpectedly surprised today, Julie wasn't here to annoy the living hell out of me. It oddly left me kind of worried. Why?

Because you let her dent your shield.

No, that can't be. That shield was unbreakable, how would she be able to do it?

She couldn't, I would never let that happen. Not a dent or scratch.

As class continued, I could feel something like a blanket of loneliness cover me. I was actually feeling lonely, I didn't even feel like punching the guy that said "I guess you're sad your little girlfriend ain't here huh?"

Though I still was a little angry, I just wasn't in the mood. And that's not normal, not at all.

Even at lunch, I had that expectation. That Julie would pop out of no where to greet me with the most adorable smile.

I was so fixed on the thought of Julie that I didn't even notice Alice running towards me. No one seemed to look our way with curiosity, since they were too focused on leaving school.

"Hey, Gen!" She stops in front of me while taking a breath. I was always used to looking down at people that I was surprised to see I had to look straight ahead to look at Alice. She was as tall as me, maybe a tiny bit shorter.

She smiles tucking a strand of golden hair behind her ear, and I can't seem to speak. She was stunning, she was always so beautiful.

And her smile, it was like we were still friends. Like nothing had happened between us, like there was no fight. It was as if she were ignoring the fact that we don't speak to each other.

I quickly regain my composer putting on my iron mask.

"What?" I ask, harshly.

"I want to be friends again," she states clearly, a serious expression on her face.

I was taken aback by her proposal and only said "no," before I began walking away. Why the hell would she want to be friends now?

I could hear her footsteps following me as I began walking the route home, and I remembered how she could sometimes be stubborn when she wants something. But she won't get want she wants right now, I won't fall for her kind facade.

"I live in the same neighborhood as you Gen, I'm going to follow you until you hear me out," she says before running after me as I began speeding up my pace. I began taking shortcuts she never knew of through alleyways, and she kept up.

"Genevieve, please!" I stop abruptly and turn around to see her standing there with such determination, but not as much as Julie's.

"Please, forgive me. I just miss being friends with you Gen, give me a second chance." She stares me in the eye with sincerity "I promise, I won't ever hurt you again."

"I won't ever hurt you," she says. "Together forever," she says. Only to abandon me leaving me her harsh words echoing through my head. "I was just giving the dyke a chance. Of course I don't love her, I'm not a lesbo."

What a hypocrite she was.

run

I shut my eyes tightly and shake my head before bolting away like a coward. I was a coward.

An emotionally unstable, idiotic coward.

It was right.

I was relieved to hear no footsteps behind me as I reached my house, and a sudden ding causes me to fish my phone out my pocket.

5:48

Hey, miss me Gen?

I look across from my house to see a familiar face pop from behind the blinds of the other house. She was smiling like crazy as she sent another text.

5:50

I'm kind of sick right now so my parents forbid me from going out the house. I ate too much ice cream the other day. How are you?

I look at my screen for a second and I can't help but to let my lips stretch into a small smile. It was like my mood was suddenly lifted just a tiny bit.

5:52

Terrific.

I press send looking at her window as she texts back.

5:53

I'm glad.

She looks up from her phone sending me a smile through her window. And I swear I could feel my heart skip a beat. And so I keep my usual poker face and walk inside my house, giving Julie one last glance as she closes the blinds again.

My thoughts seem to drift back to Alice as I entered my room. I remembered how sincere she looked, and a part of me just really wanted to believe her. That we could be at least friends again.

I then lay down on my bed holding up a picture of Alice and I from my nightstand. We were smiling, happy, carefree. I almost didn't recognize my own face. I had more personal pictures she begged me to keep, but I had that hidden in my locked drawer.

It made me remember the first time we met, probably in fifth grade.

She was the new girl, and many thought she was shy. But really I learned after confronting her she wasn't at all. She was just much more mature and calm than most of the hyper kids.

It was when she was sitting on those steps as recess continued I decided I'd speak to her. I just never thought I'd freeze when she looked up at me. It was like the world stopped, she was beautiful or pretty as I would have said it at that age.

And I remember her having to say "hello" a few times before I got out of my dazed state.

I apologized and she laughed saying I was "cute" And I could almost feel my ears turn red just remembering it.

And before I knew it we became best friends after just three months.

It was then in seventh grade I realized that the fluttering feelings I got from her, weren't exactly feelings you would get from a best friend.

I figured if I ignored it, it would disappear. But it only became stronger as we got nearer to eighth grade.

Because I was always overwhelmed with basorexia around her.

I'd think it'd be so much easier to be her friend if I weren't in love with her. And it would be. But that's not how fate had planned it.

No, instead I ended up confessing at the end of the eighth grade year. And in just like every cliché romance, it went perfectly well. Because she had feelings for me also.

It was redamancy.

And as I remembered it, we took many photos. We were happy but had to keep it a secret. We knew if we let it out, they would talk. In cruel hushed whispers, they'd never shut up and put fag on your locker. We didn't want that.

And we never expected someone to have somehow gotten a photo of us. When we were both overwhelmed with basorexia.

And it was then on that day, she decided the closet was a bit too stuffy. And kicked me out leaving me to be preyed upon, as she stayed in the safety of it. Never daring to come out.

And so I built my iron shield, and locked myself inside. Then threw away the key.

And I became cold and mean as many people would say.

But I think I'm just being me, the indestructible me.

A/N if you do not know what redamancy means or basorexia, fear not for I have the definitions.

Basorexia- The overwhelming desire to kiss

Redamancy- The act of loving in return

These words just sounded so interesting I had to use them.