Fade to Black (sequel to riptide)

Part 30

Jacksons pov
Lauren has been super supportive with me during this time. She's been calling me and texting making sure that I'm ok. I wasn't. She got in trouble a ton to listen to me cry. Ever since the accident I've been comfortable really sobbing with her. I don't mind it at all. I know she won't judge me and she always makes me feel better. It's been really difficult lately. The worst was when I had to carry his casket into the procession in my shoulder. It was me, his dad, his cousin, a friend of his that I didn't know and two friends we shared in common. It was the worst knowing that he was gone and he was gone for a terrible reason. I don't know why suicide plagues my life. I've now lost three friends to suicide. Three. That's three too many people who thought the world would be better without them and wanted to end their own suffering. That's three beautiful, wonderful people lost from the world because of shitty people and shitty circumstances, and mental displacements that they never should have had to suffer through. I also almost lost a beautiful girl who is becoming my wife to suicide. Thank god I saved her life otherwise I'd probably be a mess. She makes me whole. Suicide sucks. I hate it. I don't care how terrible a person is they don't deserve to die and not at their own hand. Trust me someone out there loves you and needs you. Your life means more than you think.
It's been hard going through this without Lauren right beside me physically holding me. Not being able to grip onto her and make sure she's safe. I write some songs that I'm adding to my album just to help so that someone else doesn't do this. Songs that capture how I feel and bring it into words. It's my only therapy. What I really needed was to be in Lauren's arms. I needed her now. I wanted to be in her presence. I hopped on a flight and flew to her show. Big Rob picked me up and brought me to the venue. They were on the bus and as soon as I got close to it I felt her in my arms. She was gripping on to my torso and squeezing me tight.
"I missed you baby girl." I said tears threatening to spill but retreated when I realized people were around.
"I love you Jackson. Im so glad you're here."
"You don't have any clue how much I just needed your hug."
"I'm glad you came back early but I hope it didn't keep you from grieving and spending time with people..." I cup her face stopping her from talking.
"I needed you." I say staring at her faced smushed in my hands.
She puckers her cheeks to make fish lips. I chuckle at her dorkiness and brought her in for another hug.
"Can I get a kiss?" She asks. I didn't reply instead softly laid my lips to hers She pulled out first after like 2 seconds which was unfortunate but it's whatever, I'll get her later.
"The girls are waiting inside."
"Wonderful." I take her hand and she drags me to the bus. Once inside, the other girls come barreling at me.
"Jackson!!!" They scream landing on me.
"Harmonies. How's it going?"
"Are you ok?"
"How ya holding up?"
"How was everyone doing?"
"Do you need anything?" They all yelled questions at me the last one being Ally's sweet voice.
"Uhm everything is fine. Toby is good so I'm happy he's coming to a show soon actually." The girls all squeal.
"Uhm the funeral went great. It was difficult because he was my best buddy and all. It was also hard because of the way everything happened. I had to carry his casket on my shoulder."
"You alone?" Camila asks astonished.
"No Mila, me and five other people."
"Oh." She sits back blushing just a bit in embarrassment.
"So I had to do that and it was really difficult but also in a way helpful. I guess I needed that to help me have some closure." The harmonies all sit looking at me deeply interested in the story.
"That's good." Ally says.
"Did he leave a note?" Dinah asks. Every other girl hits her arm and says her name.
"What Ik asking!" Dinah counters their complaints. I chuckled slightly.
"It's ok DJ. Yeah he did leave a few letters. He left one for each family member like in his normal family. One for his cousin. And one for me." They all stare blankly at me.
"What did yours say?" Lauren asks calmly looking into my eyes. I reach into my pocket and grab it.
"My man Jackson. What's good homie? So you're probably pissed at me and also heartbroken because I mean I'm awesome but it was all too much. The voices in my head were too loud bro. Yeah they have me medicine but I didn't want to live life through a haze of pills and dowing drinks to rash it down. Anyways bro I've been tracking you as you know so keep doing what your doing. You'll get that Grammy his year. Trust me bro I can see the future everytime I'm high. You're gonna do great things. Also keep the love you've found with that Latin chick. She's great I enjoy her. I know you're gonna be like damn whose gonna be a best man as good as him. Well my friend Frankie is a great choice. Nonetheless, I love you bro. I'll miss you and I trust you. So you are my kids godfather hope you enjoy man. Tell the kid I'm sorry I just couldn't handle being in pain 24/7 so I ended it all. I love her though and she was the biggest blessing I ever received. She wasn't forgotten or something I threw out or anything like that. I know she'll grow up to be a beautiful young lady and I'm sorry. Also tell that other chick you did that song with you know the Cuban girl that she's hot as hell and if I wasn't dead I'd totally go for her
Sincerely,
your buddy Arian ."
"He was a funny guy wasn't he?" Normani says.
"Yeah the best." I say softly with a bit of a smile.
"So where is his kid?" Dinah asks.
"She's living with her godmother."
"What about her mother?"
"Uhm she left and never came back."
"That's so unfortunate."
"Yeah. So enough about my sad recent events how about you girls how has tour been going?"
"It's great a little much to handle. We've been doing it. It's very exhausting having a show almost every night and waking up so early in the morning for meet and greets and different events but it's awesome as you know."
"Yeah I know. I'm so proud of you girls, this new album is amazing and I'm sure that I'm going to love your performance."
"Aww thanks Jack that means a lot." Ally says giving me a sweet smile.
"Of course girls. So what are your plans after tour?"
"Im going home to see my family." Ally says with a smile.
"Same here." Dinah adds.
"I'm going to New Orleans to see some old friends and family then I'm headed home." Normani says.
"I'm going home too then I'm going to Mexico with my dad." Camila tells us.
"And I'm going home with you." Lauren says with a silly smile.
"Well I would hope so." I say with a chuckle.
"So what are you and Lauren's plans after tour?" Normani asks.
"I don't know. Probably heading home to Sydney and Toby or something like that. Mostly wedding stuff though."
"Cool." Dinah says.
"Awesome." I reply
"Great."
"Wonderful."
"I'm bored of this so I'm going to find out where that cute dancer went."
"He just passed by he's probably in his bus or something." Lauren says shrugging.
"Thanks."
"No problem DJ. Wingwoman of the year right here." She points to herself.
"You ma girl!" She high fives Lauren before leaving the bus heading presumably to the dancers bus.
"I'm going to go with her to make sure she doesn't switch and take my man." Normani says before leaving.
"Mani stop playing games he's mine." Camila yells before getting up and running after the now sprinting dark skinned girl. It was just me, Lauren, and Ally.
"You want to go look at the arena babe?" Lauren asks me.
"Definitely." We both stood up walking off the bus walking towards the arena. Once we got inside Walking down many corridors before reaching the huge stage.
"Wow." I say looking out at the thousands of seat with my hands in my pockets.
"We sold out tonight." She informs me looking at all of the seats in the arena.
"Holy shit. That many people are coming to see you girls."
"Yeah." I look and see she has a huge smile plastered on her face. We take a seat on the edge of the stage.
"That's so amazing."
"It's a dream come true. We never could have imagined this for ourselves."
"No one could ever imagine this for themselves."
"What about you? Did you ever imagine this for yourself?"
"Never even imagined myself being able to do music. My dad was so strict growing up but my mom was so supportive. She let me do music if that was truly what I was passionate about. I'll never forget how she stood up to my dad for my classes and such. She's the best mother a anyone could ever want. Now I think that I would be selling out arenas and traveling the world, that'd if be starting in Hollywood and Australian Hollywood movies. It's crazy."
"But you grew up rather privileged do you think that in any way helped?"
"No because I wasn't completely privileged. Yeah my dad had a little more money than most people in my family and is an asshole but a life of drama isn't privilege. And I know hardship, remember I didn't always live with my family and I mean my dad hated buying things for me after I started liking music. So at about 11 I was virtually cut off. The rest of my family had normal regular and below wages."
"I never knew that."
"Yeah well it's not really something people really ask about. I don't see it as that important either."
"Interesting."
"Oh I almost forgot. I got you something."
"Again?" She jokingly whines.
"Yes again so here." I reach in my backpacker pulling out the croc-tooth necklace in my hand.
"I found this in one of my old rooms. It's this necklace made from crocodile tooth and I would I've it to every girl I liked and asked out when I was younger. When we broke up Id take it back to prepare for the next one. So as the last girl I'll ever ask out or like more so love them you should have it."
"Aww baby thank you you're so romantic."
"I try." She laughs.
"So what's the story behind this necklace why did you choose it as a gift for your girls?"
"I used to work at my uncles shop with him when I was like 12 and he was a fisherman and....crocodile hunter."
"Oh my god." She starts laughing.
"I knew you were a croc hunter. You keep hiding these things from me! Oh my god that's hilarious gator boy." She ruffles my hair.
"Ok babe it's not that funny."
"But it is. You're literally every Australian stereotype I can think of." I chuckle along with her for a bit.
"Sorry right continue." She brings her laughing to a slow end. I roll my eyes beginning my story again.
"Anyways so I worked at his bait shop that was also for buying like meat of the marine type. So a couple times he brought me out on the water with him." She snorts.
"Im sorry you just sound really Australian when you say water."
"Babe stop laughing at me." I whine.
"Ok I'm sorry baby keep going."
"Anyways well I went out on my own one night and this is the story I told you one time I actually caught one on my own. It bit me when I fell in the water and I shot it in the head. I had a tooth lodged in my arm that's why that scar is there so I decided to make a necklace out of it."
"Oh my god seriously?"
"No I just caught it and held it down to shoot and take out the tooth."
"Oh my god I hate you." I laugh at her reaction.
"I have gotten bit by an crocodile once though."
"You're so annoying I actually believed you."
"I know it made it funnier. You're so gullible. I love making you believe Im cooler than I am. You're just stupid enough to believe that I'm capable of those things."
She gets up walking away from me. I laugh.
"Babe come on. It was just a joke."
"Go fuck a crocodile!" She yells flipping me off.
"That'd be disgusting babe." I yell back. She disappears backstage. I sigh taking one more look out in the crowd before standing up to head to find something to do.